Redemption
by goldengreaser
Summary: Dallas Winston lived that night only to be sent to the place he never thought He'd see again. Now Dallas must face all his demons and tragedy befor it consumes him.
1. The Trial

It was quite in the Curtis house; something that wasn't so ordinary

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. Story is dedicated to Dally lover 1990. May God bless you with all the fulfillment of all your writing ideas. And I know you have many.**

The courtroom was rather cold and dreary. A sense of nervousness hung in the air. The bailiff stood to face the court. "All rise for the honorable Judge Walker." Everybody stood up as a man in a long black robe entered the room.

He was an older man in approximately his mid sixties. He stood at the podium and sat down. "You may be seated court is now in session. We are here today to discuss the case of Dallas James Winston in an armed robbery of the Quick and Go on the evening of September Fifteenth Nineteen Sixty Six. Will the bailiff please bring in the defendant?"

The bailiff walked out of the courtroom pushing a wheelchair with none other then the infamous Dallas Winston astride in it. His left leg was propped up and his skin was a tad paler then his usually ivory. His blond hair was messy and unkempt. Dallas was pushed to the judge's podium.

He didn't even seem to notice his friends sitting right behind him; or he didn't want to. He just looked straight ahead trying not to concentrate on the pain in his chest and leg.

The judge gave a sort of smile. "You never can stay out of trouble long can you Dallas?"

Dallas just shrugged. "What can I say?"

The judge frowned. "Dallas you're going to be eighteen soon. You'll no longer be tried as a miner after that. Do you really want to spend your whole life behind bars?"

"And if I do?"

The judge shook his head and from behind Dallas Darrel Curtis rolled his eyes. "Dallas the gun wasn't loaded. Do you mind telling me why you had it in the first place?"

Dallas shrugged again. "Can't say that I do."

The judge rubbed his temple. "You know I have the power to give you a full court trial, you could be put away for a very long time."

"So."

"Dallas you pointed a loaded gun at the police that night. You knew full well they would shoot. It sounds to me that this time you were not trying to get yourself locked up. Am I right?"

"Maybe you should get your hearing checked."

The judge gave a frustrated sigh. "Dallas ,were you trying to get yourself killed that night?"

'Would I call anyone of I was?" For the first time Dallas indicated his friends behind him. Darrel sighed.

The judge looked at the older boys. The youngest of them had paled and looked sick. The redheaded one just shook his head. Judge Walker was inclined to agree with him.

"I have reports from the doctors who talked to your friends. You were very distressed that night. Now I need you to tell me Dallas why did you rob that store?"

"I felt like it." Dallas's voice came out cool and crisp and calm.

"So you pulled a gun because you felt like it. Somehow I don't by that Dallas. You have no other history of fire arm use in a crime. Please Dallas I need to know did you or did you not want to die that night?"

Dallas sat silently and the judge frowned. "Listen to me Dallas. I don't want to send you to jail. You're a good kid even if you don't know it yet. I heard what you did at that church; that wasn't something a bad person would do. Now just please tell me Dallas, why did you rob that store?"

Dallas shrugged and the judge's shoulders sank. "You were found guilty a while back Dallas. This is about your sentencing. I've talked to a physiatrist from the hospital. He told me you were emotionally unstable at the time and still our. I don't want to send you to jail Dallas. You did a good thing at that church. I'm going to give you a chance to do something right with your life. You have a relative who want to take you in"

"What ever."

The judge shook his head. "I herby put you on three years of probation. The conditions of your probation are as follows. During the duration of your probation you will reside with your Aunt Clarisse in Bloomington Hills Colorado. You will have a curfew of eleven o' clock PM to Nine o'clock A.M at which time you are to be back on the property, You will see a court approved physiatrist at least once a week and have regular visits to your probation officer. You are at no time to posses any fire arms or alcohol. Is that clear"

"Crystal."

The judge banged his gavel. "You have twenty-four hours to say goodbye to your friends and pack your things. Your train leaves at noon tomorrow. You will be escorted by a police officer. Good day Dallas and good lock.

Chapter Two

It was quite in the Curtis house; something that wasn't so ordinary. Usually the home was loud and full of rough housing. Instead everyone was silent. Dallas didn't really know what to make of it. Okay so he was going away. He went to jail for months at the time the guys should be used to it by now.

Finally Two-Bit broke the silence. Not that anybody expected anyone else to. "So you have an aunt in Colorado?"

"Yeha, what of it?"

"Nothing man; it's just too darn quite in here; I can't think straight." Everyone but Dallas laughed.. Of course Two-bit would be the one that needed noise to think; it explained why he never shut up.

Dallas rolled his eyes "I just thought you never think." He replied coolly leaning backing in Darry's armchair.

"I think about girls and beer." Again everyone laughed.

"Serious though Dally do you even know this women?" Darry asked. Dallas kind of shrugged.

"She's my aunt what's to know?" Darry didn't push Dallas any further because he knew what Dallas really meant was for the guys to stop pressing him. The room became silent again. Nobody wanted to ask Dallas anymore questions and risk him getting riled up. He had been even more dangerous then usual since the shooting; far moodier and reclusive. Only a fool would tango with him. So they all stayed quiet and enjoyed the last evening together.

**A.N. Short I know and not my best work but I needed a chapter with the gang in it. So sorry; it will get better once Dallas gets to Colorado. This is my first multi-chapter non Curtis centered fanfic.**

**Chapter Three**

Dallas looked out the train window.


	2. The Dream

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. I wish I did but I don't. I'm sorry about the last chapter two. I added the wrong document. The chapter you read was actually from **_**Forgiveness**_** which tells the story of Johnny's mother and her sorrow for how she treated her now long dead son.**

"_Dallas help please!" Johnny was calling him. Dallas looked around the building. He couldn't see Johnny anywhere._

"_Johnny where are you?" _

"_Help" Dallas looked around again and saw nothing. He ran toward the sound of Johnny's voice. Then he saw him. Johnny was in a corner._

"_Hold on Johnnycakes I'm coming." Dallas ran towards Johnny. All of a sudden a wall of flames surrounded Dallas about thirty feet high all around._

"_Dallas help me, please." Dallas looked frequently around him for an opening of any sort; any way to save Johnny. There was none. Some began to form. Dallas found he could hardly breathe. His chest ached and his heart pounded._

"_Just hold on Johnny." he coughed heavily. All of a sudden there was a crash. Dallas could see a large beam fall, right towards Johnny._

"_Nooooooooooo!"_

Dallas Winston awoke with a start. He breathed heavily. His chest and leg throbbed.

"Are you okay son?" Dallas looked beside him at the officer, his escort. He shot the man daggers.

"Perfectly." he snarled.

The officer had heard enough of Dallas Winston to know it was best to leave well enough alone. He head heard that the teenager had a fiery temper and that it would be best not to press any such matter further. It was best to just get him to where he needed to go without any fuss. So he dropped the matter.

Dallas looked out his window. Flashes of green passed before him. Trees and shrubs were about all he could see.

He was in the country. It wasn't the first time. He had spent a lot of time in such places. He often lied about it though. Somehow country didn't fit him. Dallas hated the country anyways. Not giving it a second thought he stifled a yawn and slowly drifted back to sleep.

When he woke up the weather was slightly colder. He looked out the window. The leaves had fallen from the trees which were being blown vigorously by the wind.

"It'll snow soon enough." a man sitting behind Dallas remarked to his wife.

Dallas took little interest. Snow was nothing new. It snowed often enough in New York. Snow meant drafty windows and a heater that barley worked. It wasn't anything special to him except maybe an inconvenience.

The officer turned to Dallas. "Have you ever seen snow?"

Dallas just shrugged. "Yeha so it's frozen rain, no big deal." The officer didn't contest this. He didn't want to get Dallas riled up/.

XXXXXXXXX

Three hours later they were in a much colder region. The skies were cloudy and dark. Snow would very soon come. The train skidded to a halt.

"Here we are kid. Let me help you with your crutches." Dallas begrudgedly accepted. He hated for anyone to take pity on him and he hated not doing things for himself. He grabbed the crutches and headed off the train. The officer was not far behind him carrying, Dallas's one bag of belongings.

They walked towards the inside of the small train station. Dallas mentally kicked himself from not getting his brown jacket from Ponyboy. It was freezing.

A man and woman stood side by side in a corner by a bench. The man was fairly bulky and tan. The woman had graying hair, and was holding a sign that read Dallas Winston. The officer motioned for Dallas to follow him over there.

The women gave a smile when she saw them. "Hello mane, I'm Officer Rick Harper. Are you Caroline Hanson?

"I am. This is George my farmhand." She smiled at Dallas. "And I already know Dallas here. You sure have grown up."

Dallas just rolled his eyes boardly. Caroline went to hug Dallas. He pushed away moving his shoulder back. The officer gave him a warning look.

Sighing Caroline said, "We can take Dallas from here. We have quite a drive ahead of us."

Officer Harper nodded. "Okay then." He pulled a folder from his jacket. "Here is all of Dallas's paper work. He needs to see his probation officer in two days. The courts will be watching."

Caroline nodded. "We can handle it and I already made an appointment for his physiologist for tomorrow. We just happen to have one in town."

Officer Harper tipped his hat. "Well good day mame," he looked at Dallas. "Dallas you know the rules. No funny stuff."

"Whatever." And with that Officer Harper was gone.

"Well we better get a move on. It'll be snowing soon. We have a two hour drive ahead of us." George said.

"Okay. Dallas we'll put your crutches and bag in the back of the pick up." Caroline said.

Dallas just shrugged and followed them to a blue Chevy. He climbed in-with a bit of difficulty – after his aunt. George put everything where he needed it to be and climbed into the driver's seat. The truck revved up and they drove off. Dallas leaned an elbow up on the door. This was going to be a long ride.


	3. The Picture

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. Hate it is so but so it is. Sorry for the short chapter but it is an important one all the same.**

After the protracted ride the truck started to go down a long path on a dirt road. Dallas felt himself jolting around.

Soon they reached a sizeable brownish red brick house. A little ways from that there was a large barn. "Well here we are, home sweet home. Do you remember this place at all? Your mom used to take you here all the time."

Dallas glanced at it, he remembered all right. "No can't say that I do."

"Well that's too bad. You used to have a great time here. I fixed up your old room for you. If course I forgot about the crutches. Do you think you can manage?"

"Yeha!" Dallas said coolly. He didn't need help from anybody.

"Okay then lets head out."

Dallas stepped out of the truck. It was even colder here then the train station. He figured it was about twenty five degrees or so outside. He hated the cold.

The inside of the house was decorated in of course a western theme. Many things were made of wood. The living area was huge and the seats comfortable looking.

"Your room is up the stairs and the first door to the left. Are you hungry do you want to eat first?"

Dallas shook his head and slowly but surely made his way up the stairs. He turned the doorknob and opened his bedroom door.

The room was fairly larger then the one he usually occupied at Bucks. There was a closet in the right corner. Next to that there was a dresser. There were a few shelves on the walls filled with books, puzzles and a few trinkets.

A bed was pushed to the left a window with quilted blue and grey curtains. The bed held a patchwork quilt and was slightly bigger then the twin he was accustomed too. Below the bed was a wooden trunk carved out of oak and embroidered with designs of horses. Next to the bed was a nigh table. On the night table there was a clock and a picture.

Dallas sat on the bed and picked up the frame. He stared at it. A young woman in her twenties sat on some steps with her arms around a little boy of about four or five. Dallas looked at the picture. His heart pounded and his palms grew sweaty.

He flung the picture across the room. It fell under the dresser without so much as a clang. Panting Dallas laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Soon he was fast asleep.


	4. The Horse

Disclaimer I do not own The Outsiders

**Disclaimer I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Coca doodle** **Doo**! Dallas groaned to the sound of a rooster crowing. He looked at his alarm clock. It read six forty-five A.M. He grabbed a pillow and pulled it over his head to muffle the noise but that rooster just wouldn't shut up. Oh what he wouldn't give for a shot gun.

There was a knock at the door. "Dallas it's Aunt Caroline. Breakfast will be ready in thirty minutes. You need to get ready." There was some clunking and his aunt was back down stairs.

_Is she nuts? Breakfast at dawn, even old super dope doesn't do that,_ Dallas thought to himself. _Maybe I'll just stay up here_, He added to himself bitterly

The rooster crowed again. _All right I'm up!_

Dallas grabbed his crutches and walked over to his duffle bag. He pulled out wrinkled jeans and a t-shirt. He realized then just how cold it was. His arms had Goosebumps on them. So he pulled out a flannel shirt he had acquired from Buck and added it to the ensemble. Then he made his way down stairs.

It wasn't hard to find the kitchen. Dallas could smell the smell of bacon coming that away. So he made hobbled over toward the smell. He found his Aunt Caroline frying the bacon and cooking up pancakes. It certainly was different then chocolate cake.

"About time you got up." Dallas looked over at George who was sitting at the table. He eyed him coolly.

Caroline turned around." Good morning Dallas take a seat. The food is almost done." She turned back around.

Dallas sat down at the table. "Do you like coffee?" George asked.

Dallas stifled a yawn and shrugged. He didn't care for it one way or the other. he drank it when he wanted it and declined it when he didn't.

"What do you drink then?"

"Beer!"

"I'm afraid your aunt wouldn't much care for you drinking that, especially with it going against your probation."

Dallas growled. He needn't be reminded.

George looked at him a moment. "How about chocolate milk."

"Yeha, okay." Dallas replied. If you spend time enough at the Curtis house you would drink it quite often. Dallas didn't mind that drink what so ever, just so long as it wasn't too chocolateie.

George got up and brought two glasses of the stuff to the table. He brought another for Caroline. Just as he sat down she began to bring plates of food. Dallas hadn't seen a breakfast like this since Mrs. Curtis was alive.

He reached for a pancake with his fork. His aunt slapped his finger away. "We always say grace first."

Dallas rolled his eyes. _Oh great she's one of those churchy types_. Begrudgedly he closed his eyes and bowed his head as his aunt prayed.

"God is great. God is good. Let us think him for our food. By his hands we are fed. Thank you oh Lord for this daily bread. Amen."

'Amen." George replied.

"Amen." Dallas muttered.

"Eat up Dallas. you have your appointment at ten."

"It's only seven twenty."

"Yes but I have a few chores for you. Don't think I'm going to go easy on you just because you aren't one hundred percent. Now George usually takes care of the livestock and the yard. You can care for the horses. You do still like horses don't you."

Did he like horses? That was a stupid question. Horses were better then people most days. What Dallas wouldn't give to jockey for the Slash J again. "Yeha."

"Stop this yeha business Dallas. It's yes mame. Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good now eat up. I have a surprise for you in the barn"

_Probably some horse dung,_ Dallas thought, _Whoopee!_

Breakfast of course was great. At least his aunt was a good cook. it beat jail food that was for sure.

"Dallas do you have a coat." His aunt asked taking a bite of some eggs.

"Nope."

"Okay I'll get you one from the general store. For now you can borrow of George's."

_Oh great charity just what I always wanted._

XXXXXXXXX

Thirty minutes later Dallas was hobbling out to the barn behind his aunt and George, clad of course in George's woolen flannel jacket. It was freezing and snow had fallen the night before. Dallas figured George must have shoveled a bit though because the path to the barn was clear. he wouldn't have been able to navigate through the snow.

The barn was expansive to say the least. There were about thirty-five horse stalls and a large tack room. In between here was a lot of walking space.

"We board horses and I run a horse school. Only about ten of the horses are mine." Aunt Caroline explained. Dallas nodded. "Speaking of which go to stall five. Be careful though the horse is a livewire"

Out of nothing else but curiosity Dallas obeyed. He walked over to the stall to find a horse almost fidgeting. He was completely a dark chocolate brown except for a white mark shaped almost like a large shotgun shell.

Dallas's heart pounded. His chest ached. He knew this horse. It wasn't his aunt's horse at all, it was his mother's.


	5. The Memories

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. And thank you to all who reviewed my story so far. your reviews mean a lot to me.**

The horse reared up. "He needs a little fresh air." George remarked. "Old Bullet never did like being cooped up for long."

Dallas was still aghast. Bullet was his mother's horse in ever since. She had raised him from a colt and even trained him herself. She had loved that horse. He had too.

**Flashback**

_A beautiful woman came galloping over to a coral fence on a horse. She patted his neck lovingly. "Good boy Bullet." she looked over at a five year old Dallas. "Do you want to ride Bullet?" Dallas nodded eagerly. Bullet was a tuff horse._

_The woman Hopped off and walked over to the fence. She scooped Dallas up together they got on Bullet. Bullet reared a bit. "Hush Bullet, you little jokester." Bullet neighed defiantly and they were off._

"_WOOPPIE!" Dallas yelled gleefully. His mother laughed and gave him a one handed hug._

"_There's nothing like having my best men with me." She exclaimed. Dallas laughed again._

"_Mommy Bullet's a horse."_

_She laughed. "So he is."_

**End Flashback**

Dallas shook his head trying to shake off the memory. He looked up. Bullet had taken notice of him. He walked over. Dallas made his way over to the stall. Put his nose to Dallas shoulder and nuzzled it.

"He remembers you." Dallas's aunt said.

"Horse's have long memories." George added.

Dallas gave him a slight pat.

'We'll leave you two alone. Dallas I want you to brush him and make sure he eats. You can clean out the stall a bit too. Be careful though. I don't think your fit enough to ride yet."

"Whatever."

George cleared his throat, Dallas grumbled. "Yes Mame."

"Good. Come on George I need some help with a fence." They left Dallas alone with the horse. Bullet nibbled on his jacket. Dallas rolled his eyes. He didn't mind the chewing. It wasn't his jacket. Bullet could do whatever he wanted. What did he care?

He pretended to be angry though. "You little scamp."

Bullet neighed and reared his hind legs defiantly as if he thought something entirely different. Dallas sighed. His mom always said he and Bullet were just alike.

**Flashback**

"_Dallas you have to learn to control your temper." A five year hold Dallas folded his arms and looked at his mother defiantly._

"_He started it. So I finished it."_

"_I see and what did that boy do to you?"_

"_He called me a whip."_

"_So you decided to prove him wrong?"_

_Dallas grinned. 'Sure did."_

"_And now you have a black eye."_

"_Yeha but he got it worse."_

"_Did he?"_

_Dallas nodded eagerly. "He was all black and blue."_

_Dallas's mother sighed. "Dallas when are you going to learn fighting doesn't solve all your problems?"_

"_He won't call me a wimp anymore." Dallas remarked proudly._

"_No I guess he won't."_

_Just then a man from the stables where Bullet was staying walked over. "Mame your horse kicked one of our stable vets when he was checking him out."_

"_I'll be right over." Dallas's mom looked at him. "Come on Dally it seems like Bullet has the same problem you do." _

**End Flashback**

Dallas bit his lip. His hands shook with frustration. Old memories were the last thing he needed at the moment.


	6. The Doctor

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders. **_**Thank you to all my reviewers. Your comments meet the world to me. God bless you all. And please keep them coming. The better the reviews the better I can make this story.**

Dallas stepped into the truck. "How was your appointment?" He made no reply to his aunt. "Dallas?"

"What?" He snapped.

"I asked you how was your appointment with Doctor Bruner."

"Fine."

"Just fine?"

"Just peachy." Dallas muttered.

"Okay." his aunt started up the truck. They drove off. "I got you a few things from the store. We don't have any large stores here off course but the general store has some nice enough close. I got you plenty of blue jeans and shirts and of course a jacket and sweater. I'm afraid I didn't have much notice or I could have knit something. Anyways the cloths are in your dresser."

Dallas just stared out the window. he said nothing just starred as if ignoring his aunt. She sighed.

"You no you could say thank-you. That's the usual thing to do when somebody does something nice for you."

"Thank-you." Dallas said boardly.

"That's better."

Dallas went back to starring out the window and remembering the appointment.

**Flashback**

"_Well Dallas I'm pleased to meet you. I'm Doctor Brunner."_

"_What you do surgery or something on the side?" Dallas mocked._

"_No," he chuckled, "I have a Doctorates degree in physiology. But enough of me Dallas. How are you holding up?"_

"_Fine." Dallas said plainly. _

_Doctor Brunner gave him a puzzled look. "Really because I'm not so sure Dallas. Your file says you were on suicide watch. You've tried to kill your self a couple of times. That doesn't sound fine to me." _

_When Dallas said nothing he, Doctor Brunner, talked some more. "It also says you are suffering from depression. You've lost about twenty pound since your first attempt and there is suspicion of self mutilation. I'm here to help you Dallas. Anything said in this room is between you and me."_

"_And the courts." Dallas said bluntly._

"_They can only know progress, medication and diagnosis. Anything said is confidential. Please Dallas, don't keep everything tucked inside. Your life is too important to throw away."_

"_Yeha right."_

"_Your friends I'm sure believe this."_

"_What friends?"_

"_What about those two boys in the fire. You saved their lives."_

"_Didn't do much good did it doc?"_

"_You tried. The boy that died, your first attempt was directly after. You must have cared about him?"_ _Dallas shivered._

"_And if I didn't"_

"_Would you be here if you didn't care? Would you have risked your life?"_

"_No." Dallas muttered behind gritted teeth._

"_Good so you admit you have friends?"_

"_Yeha."_

"_That's all I ask."_

**End flashback**

_  
_"Dallas we're here." Dallas Winston lifted his head up. "I said we're here. Why don't you go out to the barn? I'm sure Bullet is hungry. He eats like a pig."

"Yeha, whatever."

"Yes mame." His aunt corrected.

Neither feeling like a confrontation or jail, Dallas complied. "Yes mame"

"Good now have fun."

Dallas got out of the truck and hobbled to the barn. The ground below was slippery and wet. Dallas's feet slipped out from under him and he fell. Gritting his teeth Dallas used his crutches to prop himself up into a standing position. His aunt rushed over to help him.

"Are you okay Dallas?" She asked placing a hand on his shoulder. He just pushed passed her angrily and headed onward towards the barn.


	7. The Talk

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. Thank you for your reviews. The more reviews I get the more I will pay attention to this story.**

Caroline sipped her coffee and looked outside her window. Dallas was riding Bullet. "He's not supposed to be riding is he?' Caroline turned around. George was standing behind her dirty from work.

"Huh?"

"Is he supposed to be riding?"

"I really don't know," she sighed, "but it helps him vent; so I reckon it's better for him to ride."

"Has he always been so angry?"

"He's Annie's son. He's always had her temper. He wasn't ever this bad though. Believe it or not he used to be almost sweet and affectionate."

"That boy, sweet and affectionate?" George asked raising his eyebrows.

Caroline sat her coffee down and faced the window. She folded her arms to her chest. "Yes that boy. Dallas was always mischievous: stealing things and playing pranks. His temper got him into tight spots but it was never half as bad as it is now. Poor Annie, God rest her soul. It would kill her to see him like this if she weren't already dead."

"It's a shame. She must have loved that boy."

Caroline laughed. "She was crazy about him. He was nuts about her. He followed her around like a lost puppy. The two were almost inseparable. She was always good with animals you know but I had my doubts about a kid Annie did such a good job with him though. She was such a wild, impetuous thing. If she hadn't of died he would never be like this."

"You think that has a lot to do with who Dallas is."

"It has almost everything to with it."

"What a shame. He doesn't cope well with loss."

Caroline shook her head watching her nephew jump little fences she had built for student riders. "No, he never did. He tends to be melodramatic about such things. He tries hard not to be but you can only hold things in for so long without blowing up."

George walked closer to Caroline. "Aren't you scared to be around the kid? He could blow up and hurt somebody."

Caroline sighed. "Dallas is a bit scary; I'll admit. Still he's family."

"Annie was only your half sister."

"She was still my sister George, "Caroline said seriously, "I loved her very much. Dallas is her son. I'm about as much family as he has. His father certainty is no good. I'll never forgive myself for letting Dallas stay with him. He would have been so much better off here with me."

"Maybe but you can't go blaming yourself."

Caroline turned around and smiled at her ranch handoff seven years. "No but I wish I could."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dallas panted as he got off of Bullet. His leg and chest were killing him. Fiery pain ran up and down. He found it slightly hard to breath. Bullet nuzzled him. Dallas grinned. That horse was as crazy as ever. He patted him. "Good boy." He said breathing heavily now.

Once Bullet was put away, Dallas hobbled back into the house. His aunt was in the living room waiting for him. She had been reading a book of some sort. "It's about time you came inside. I don't think it was such a good idea for you to be riding yet."

"That's my business." Dallas retorted.

"Well as long as you live here it's my business. Now get a shower. Dinner is in an hour."

"Whatever."

"Excuse me young man?" Dallas's aunt said crossing her arms.

Dallas glared at her. "Yes mame." he replied with gritted teeth.

XXXXXXXX

The Shower had felt nice and hot against his aching and tired body. Riding had never made him feel this tired. His leg certainly was never this sore afterwards. The again, his leg was almost always sore now.

Dallas got out and walked into his room. He put on the long johns and a pair of jeans. Then he threw on a t-shirt. He shivered. Outside the shower it was freezing. Reluctantly he added a flannel shirt to the mix. It was slightly warmer.

Once downstairs he found George and his aunt in the kitchen. George's cloths were dirty from work. He gave Dallas a nod and Dallas sat down.

Caroline brought the food to the table, bowls of hot chili and cornbread. "This will warm you boys right up. I hope you like spicy food Dallas."

Dallas didn't answer. She shook her head and sat down. "Dallas, why don't you say the blessing."

"I don't pray." he answered blankly

"Boy you better do as your aunt says."

"And if I don't?"

"You're not to big for a whipping."

"I'd like to see you try."

George stood up and reached across the table. Caroline folded her arms. "Settle down. Dallas if you aren't going to do as I say you can go to your room and get some sleep. You need rest anyways. We're going to church in the morning."

"I don't do church."

"So long as you live under my roof you will do as I say. Now I really have no problem letting George whip you if this continues but I'd rather not. Now go."

Dallas got up and shambled up the stairs to his room without a word.

George took a bite of his cornbread. 'Still thank this is going to be easy Carol?"

"I never said it would be George but somebody has to try to get through to that boy."


	8. The Sermon

It was late at night

**Disclaimer- I do now own **_**The Outsiders**_

It was late at night. Caroline wrapped her bathrobe around her and walked down the hall. She opened her nephew's bedroom door. He lay under the covers. His body was tense and his brow furrowed in pain. She sighed and walked closer to him.

He was muttering in his sleep. "Johnny, no! Johnnycakes!" She frowned. Asleep he actually seemed vulnerable "No, Johnny; Johnny why? I'm sorry, I'm sorry"

Caroline brushed her fingers across her nephew's shabby hair. "It wasn't your fault Dallas. You did all you could."

Dallas mumbled something Caroline couldn't quite distinguish. She decided it best to leave him be. Dallas didn't seem the type to be comforted or pitted.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dallas fiddled with his tie. He hated being dressed up like that. It was uncomfortable and it made him feel like a sissy. His aunt swatted his hand away. "Dallas." she muttered. He rolled his eyes but complied. It was to early and he was to tired to fight.

The church was rather small. There were about seventeen pews, a pulpit and baptismal pool. Behind the pool there was a large mural of Jesus with his arms outstretched glowing. On the pulpit there was a cross. To the side there were about ten chairs. Sitting there was a robed choir.

A man walked in clad in a dress suit. He was pretty young to be a preacher. Even Dallas who had only been to church a handful of times in his life knew that much. As he walked in the choir stood and began to sing.

"What a friend we have in Jesus. All our sins and grieves to bare….."

When the choir stopped singing they sat down and the man walked up to the pulpit. He was almost tall with a muscular build. He had light blond hair and a weather-beaten

He smiled. "Good morning."

"Good morning" A chorus of people replied.

"Pastor Dewitt will be back in a couple of days. In the mean time I'm afraid your stuck with me." there was some laughter. "Yes I know it's terrible." His eyes focused on Dallas. He looked away quickly.

"Please turn your bibles to Luke 15:11-32 We will stand for the reading of God's word. …. . Jesus continued: There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father 'Father give me my share of the estate.' So he divided up his property between them.

Not long after that the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and squandered his wealth in wild living. After he spent all he had there was a severe famine; and he began to be in need. So he went out and hired himself to one of the citizens who sent him out in the fields to feed the pigs. He longed to fill himself up with the pods the pigs were eating but no one gave him anything.

When he came to his senses, he said 'How may of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go to my father and say to him father I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father

But while he was a long way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

The son said 'Father I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

But the father said to his servants 'Quick bring the best robe and put it on him! Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let us have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near to the house he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants over and asked what was going on. 'Your brother has come' he replied 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound'

The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father 'Look all these years I have been slaving for you and have never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so that I may celebrate with my friends. But when this son of your who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him.

'My son,' the father said ' you are always with me and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad because your brother was lost to us and now he is found.'

You may be seated."

Everybody sat down without a word. Dallas released a sigh. _"Boy is this guy long winded."_ he thought to himself. The pastor looked at him again. When Dallas caught his gaze he quickly turned away.

"Now too often we are like the second son. We do not understand why God blesses those who have done wrong in their lives. We do not understand why those new to Christianity who have never before lived right are blessed while those who have followed his word from childhood may have not. I tell you this. God gives to all especially those who need him most. He is like the father who rejoices for his lost son now found.

For those of us like the lost son," he looked again at Dallas and turned away, "Know that there is nothing God can not forgive. Whether it is thievery, prostitution or even murder God will welcome you to him if you just ask it of him. I ask any of you today who have not known the lover of Christ or the forgiveness of our holy father to come forward. And I ask those who have lost there way to repent and return to your heavenly father." He nodded to the choir.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a retch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see…." Dallas rolled his eyes.

XXXXXXX

After the service as they were exiting the preacher came up to Caroline, George and Dallas. "Good morning Caroline, George." he nodded to the farmhand.

"Good morning James. This is my nephew, Dallas Winston."

"Annie's boy, I remember you telling me he was coming to live with you." his voice squeaked.

"Yes, well have a good day."

"You too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dallas bit into some reheated cornbread. It was pretty decent considering it had been cooked the night before. He'd never say so though. Manners were not his cup of tea.

"Don't forget Dallas. Your probation officer will be driving in tomorrow. I'll have to take you to the police station."

Dallas said nothing just gave a nod and took a bite of his chili. It was spicy hot. He quickly made a grab for his chocolate milk. His aunt smiled.

"Some of my students will be over tomorrow and I have some men coming to help George for a new coral for the cows. So be sure to behave. I don't think the mother's are very comfortable yet with you being around their children. I don't want you go and prove them right."

"Yeha, okay."

**I know that the sermon was shorter then most but it was for time reasons. Please review. I really appreciate any complements and criticisms. **


	9. The Usual

Dallas Winston yawned as he walked out of the police building

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders!**_

Dallas Winston yawned as he walked out of the police building. He had just finished his appointment with his probation officer. It had been, to say the least, predictable. He had been there and done that all before.

**Flashback**

"_You must be Dallas." _

"_That's my name don't ware it out."_

"_A since of humor won't when you any sympathy from me. Now let's see," she grabbed a manila folder from her briefcase and sat down. "Ah yes. It says here your name is Dallas James Winston. You were born November 9__th__, 1948. You are wanted for armed robbery and resisting arrest. Conditions of your probation are as follows:"_

_She read from the sheet exactly what the judge had said earlier. _

"_During the duration of your probation you will reside with your Aunt Caroline in Bloomington Hills Colorado. You will have a curfew of eleven o' clock PM to Nine o'clock A.M at which time you are to be back on the property. You will see a court approved physiatrist at least once a week and have regular visits to your probation officer. You are at no time to posses any fire arms or alcohol."_

"_And you're just now figuring this out?" Dallas folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. It nearly tipped over. He caught himself with one of his crutches. His probation officer smiled._

"_Not at all, it's my job to make sure you know what exactly is going on. Now it says here you have already attended your first appointment with your physiatrist. You have not broken any of the stipulations of your probation. So far so good. My one recommendation is that youngest a job or find some form of community service in order to make yourself a more useful asset to society."_

"_Whatever you say doll face."_

"_I'm serious Dallas. And it would do you good to learn some respect. Now I will be back in two weeks. By that time you will have met my stipulation is that clear?"_

"_As a bell!"_

"_Good."_

**End Flashback**

Dallas yawned and shivered. It was freezing outside. He hadn't been in cold weather for so long that he had forgotten what it felt like. A truck pulled up.

"Get in Dallas. I'm supposed to pick you up." It was George. Dallas complied. "I've got to stop by the hardware store to pick up supplies for the new fence. We got some cows to bring in next month before it gets too cold."

"Gets too cold?" Dallas asked indigently

"It gets colder Dallas." George laughed as they pulled up to a wooden store building. There was a sign on it that read **HARDWARE**, how predictable. Dallas got out of the truck and followed George inside.

Inside there were walls of tools and a fireplace. There was a checker board in the corner by the fire place. There was also a counter with candy on it. _"Jeez, and I used to think Tulsa was a hick town."_

XXXXXX

The truck drove on. Dallas leaned back in his seat. "So George, you and my aunt……."

"She's my boss, nothing else."

"Really," Dallas laughed dangerously, "You sure about that.. I mean if I were in the same house with my boss….."

"Kid it's nothing like that at all. Your aunt pays me a hundred dollars a month, plus frees room and board. "

"Really because I think the benefits would be a little better then that." Dallas raised an eyebrow. George gripped the stirring wheel tired. "You sure she doesn't give you a little extra. I mean something a little hotter."

"Dallas….."

"Come on you got to be getting something living together like that."

George swerved and pulled over to the side of the road. "Now you listen here. I won't have you talk about your aunt that way. She's a respectable God fearing woman. Not everybody has to be so fixated on sex."

"Who said I was. You're the one who said it not me. But now that you're on the topic…."

**WHAM!**

George's hand made contact with Dallas's face. "You will not talk about your aunt like that." Dallas would have liked very much to strike back but he had enough sense not to. George would probably leave him on the side of the road. And Dallas wasn't in the mood for a long walk.

"Crystal Clear!"

"Good."

Caroline sighed as she flopped down on her bed. It had been a long day. One of her students had tried to make a jump he just wasn't ready for. It was a miracle that he and his horse were not seriously injured. She hated to see kids hurt and even more to put a horse down.

Then of course there was the incident George had told her about. Ordinarily she would have been very offended by her nephew's words but for once they actually amused her. Dallas had a smart mouth on him.

Of course it was one of the many attributes he had inherited from his mother. Caroline sighed again It often made her sad to think of Annie. She had been so young when she died, only twenty five. There was so much about her that Dallas had in him. It made Caroline think of her sister more.

Annie had been wild and reckless. She never tried to fit what people thought a young lady should be. She did what she wanted when she wanted and how she wanted to do it. Annie certainly had Dallas's temper. Though, of course she had learned to control it much better.

Then there was the thing with horses. Annie had a way with horses that her sister had never really understood. There was not a horse, no matter how ornery, that did not adore her sister. She could get horses to do anything. It was almost if she had spoken to them. From what she could see Dallas had the same talent.

XXXXX

**Dream**

"_Help!" The flames were all around him. Smoke clouded his vision. "Help!" Dallas knew that voice. It was Johnny._

"_Johnny, where are you."_

"_Dally, help!" Dallas rushed toward the voice coughing hard. _

"_I'm coming Johnnycake, hold on."_

_There was some rumbling and the roof caved in. Dallas dug his way out. He looked all around him. "Johnny, Johnny!" he called. He dug some more. He found him, Johnny. He was still as ice. His body was half charred. No breathing came. "Johnny, Johnny"_

**End Dream**

Dallas awoke with a start. His chest seized and he panted. Sweat poured from his forehead. He breathed in and out slowly. Finally his breathing regulated and his shoulders stopped shaking. _"Get a hold on yourself. The kid's dead, get over it. People die no big deal."_ But even as he thought these words, Dallas knew deep down it was a big deal and he wasn't getting over it anytime soon.

**Thank-you for all your reviews. I know this chapter is short but I thought the idea of it was too important to leave out.**

**AN: I had to have a little of Dallas's dirty mind added in. Even he has a sense of humor. Please review.**


	10. The Ride

Diclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

**Diclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Dallas hobbled into the barn. It was a Tuesday. He figured it would be practically empty. He needed to clear his head. As long as he could remember riding was the best way to do it, even if Bullet reminded him of his mother.

But to Dallas's surprise the barn wasn't empty. In the tack room was none other then James, the preacher. He was clad in blue-jeans, a flannel shirt and blue-jeans jacket. His hair was messy and out of place. It was a bit of a shock.

At the sound of Dallas's footsteps James turned around. He blanched. "Oh, um Dallas right?"

"Last time I checked. I could be wrong though."

James chuckled. "Here for a ride?"

"Well I'm not here to watch the grass grow. What about you? I didn't know preachers rode." It was meant mockingly and James knew it. He laughed.

"Sure do. Can't get enough." He went into the stables. Dallas followed him, carrying his own saddle. Bullet's stall was right across from James's horse. Dallas looked at James as he saddled up. His horse was grey with black markings and white hair.

"His name is Hardtack." James said as if he noticed Dallas looking at him. "He's seven years old and as tame as a lamb."

Dallas ignored him and led Bullet out of the stall. He patted his head. Bullet nuzzled him. "You ready for a ride boy?" Bullet neighed in reply. Then Dallas hopped on him, with some difficulty because of his bum leg. Then he was off. James wasn't far behind. He had gone from shy around Dallas to suddenly interested.

"You ride like your mom." he said.

"Not saying much. It isn't like there are a hundred ways to trot."

James laughed. "No I mean the way you are with Bullet. Your mom used to do the same thing no matter what horse she was on. Always used to say the horse should have as much say as the rider." Suddenly a memory came to Dallas.

**Flashback**

"_Are you ready Bullet?" Annie asked her horse giving him a pat on the head lovingly. He neighed happily. _

_A four year old Dallas laughed. "Mommy?"_

"_Yes Dally?" _

'_How come you ask Bullet that?"_

_Annie grinned and picked her son up placing him on Bullet's back. She hoped on behind him._

"_You wouldn't want somebody riding you with out asking would you?"_

"_No." Dallas replied thoughtfully._

"_Well honey, horses have feelings too. They should have as much say as the rider. Don't you think so?"_

"_I guess so."_

"_How about you ask this time?"_

"_Okay," Dallas replied, "Bullet do you want to go for a ride?" The horse neighed in reply and they were off. A four year old's laughter filled the air._

**End Flashback**

"Yeha." Dallas replied bitterly. "I remember."

"She was quite a woman."

Dallas gave no answer said nothing, just headed off in a canter. James followed not far behind. He said nothing for awhile. And then "Do you like birds?"

"What?"

"I run a rehabilitation clinic for wild animals. I thought you might like to check it out."

"And why on earth would you think that?" Dallas asked coolly.

'I don't know. I just figured being Annie's boy and all……." Something clicked in Dallas at the mention of his mother. He hated thinking about her. It was painful, like thinking of Johnny was painful. Still he was curious.

"Yeha okay, I'll check this place out."

XXXXXXXXX

The clinic was really just a house and a medium sized barn. There was a large coral but it was too cold to keep the animals outside for too long. Dallas walked Bullet into the barn behind James and Hardtack, leaning on. He looked around

In the stalls there were a few horses, a couple of dear and a cow. There were some bird cages and a larger cage with a skunk in it. One of the cages caught his eye. There was large bird of prey in it. Its wing was splintered and bandaged.

"That's Mica. She's a golden eagle. I found her with her wing broken a couple of days ago, poor thing. She'd have died if I didn't bring her here."

Dallas looked at the thing in awe. That was one tuff looking bird. Even he wasn't afraid to admit that. "They're amazing to see in the wild."

"Mmmm." Dallas replied looking closer at the bird.

"Yeha, Mica had that effect on me too."

Dallas straightened leaned back onto the wall. "Your leg hurt?"

'Huh?"

'Does your leg hurt? I have some stuff that might help."

"I don't need anybody's help."

"Okay, I'm not offering help; I'm offering something for that leg of yours. it would be a shame if you couldn't ride anymore."

"Fine."

"Good, I'll be right back. Don't put your hands near the cage. Mica bites."

"Yeha, whatever." James walked off. As soon as he did Dallas put his hand near the cage. Mica pecked at his index finger.

"Crap!" Dallas sucked on his finger. "Stupid bird."


	11. The Threds That Bind

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Dallas took a sip on his Pepsi and sat it back on the kitchen table. James looked at him. "That leg of your any better."

"Yeha."

"Good, nothing like a couple of aspirin to do the trick."

"Mmmm." Dallas agreed. In the back of his mind he thought of Ponyboy and how he always took more then a couple of aspirin. There was an awkward silence and finally James broke it.

"You know, Dallas, you're so much like your mother." he said softly.

Dallas leaned back in his chair. "And how would you know that?" he asked coolly.

James was quite. He got a far of look in his eyes and stayed silent.

"Well," Dallas asked curtly, "are you going to tell me or not?"

James nodded and took a swallow of his own Pepsi. "Annie and I grew up together. We used to spend hours helping my dad here at the center. It was his place. I moved back here a few years ago to take it over when he died."

"Get on with it."

"Okay. Well like I said we were practically joined at the hip. She was my best friend." James laughed. "She was a pistol and a half."

Dallas nodded. He tried to suppress a smile. Pistol did not begin to describe his mother. He sure missed her but he wasn't about to admit it. He should never have brought it up. Before he could say anything James went on.

" Your mother had a temper on her. You should have seen her before she could keep it in check. She got into a lot of fights the first ten years. I think the principal wanted to expel her. It's amazing she didn't get into more trouble then she did." James's eyes teared up. He brushed them away and gave a sad sort of laugh.

"She loved to play pranks. I remember the time she put sticky glue on the toilet seats in the girl's bathroom. Then there was the time when we were nine and she convinced me to help her put tacks on all the pews at the church."

This made Dallas laugh. "Sure is a long way from being a preacher aint it?"

"Hey none of us is perfect Dallas. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. But I can honestly say I loved playing pranks with your mom."

"So, what else did she rope you into?"

"We let the frogs lose in the biology lab. Your mom may have been a tough gal but she sure couldn't stand the thought of killing in the name of science. Food she was fine with, but cruelty to animals, never." James paused. "I remember the time she dove in the creek saving some poor puppies somebody tried to drown. She was about fifteen then. It was dead winter. She caught pneumonia and got to keep the pups. She was quite a woman.

Man was she ever a looker. I remember half the boys in town chased after her. Never gave them the time of day though. If they'd of tried anything she would have beat the living daylights out of them. The girls used to be so jealous of her. There they went all dolled up with makeup and pretty little dresses. Then she just wore blue jeans and worn out flannel, never did bother with her hair. And yet here were the boys going gaga over her."

"Sounds like you had a thing for my mom too." Dallas said mockingly.

James blanched but he didn't deny it.

"So I was right." Dallas laughed sarcastically. Mocking kept his mind off things.

Again, James didn't say anything. He looked down at the ground. "I think you better go now Dallas. Come back if you feel like it. You can help me at the center. I think I need to be alone for now though."


	12. The Talk 2

Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

It was late at night. The snow fell outside and the wind blew hard and mournfully. Everybody else was asleep. For all he tried though, Dallas could not.

He just could not get the day's events put of his head. He could not stop thinking about what James had said. His mother weighed heavily on his mind. No matter how many times he told himself to be tough and suck it up, he could not do it.

So he grabbed his crutches and hobbled up the stairs that lead to the third story. He went to the door on the left and turned the knob, opening the door.

The room was dark and dusty. It hadn't been occupied for a long time. Dallas flipped the light switch on. The room became brightly illuminated. There was an oak bed in the corner with a blue and green quilt on top. There were numerous etches of horses engraved on the headboard.

On the wall there were many, many first and second place ribbons: some from dressage; some from races and many from barrel racing. There were shelves as well.

On the shelves there was a doll, dusty from never being played with. There were various books, mostly westerns and pictures. On the highest shelves were several trophies for the many riding events Annabel Alexandra Hanson Winston had won.

Then there were the pictures. Dallas looked at them with stoic eyes. There were a few of himself with his mom; some of her mom with her family and then a couple that caught Dallas's eye. One in particular was fascinating to him. His mom was standing, half hugging a teenage boy resembling James.

"_So he wasn't lying."_ Dallas looked at some more. There were a few of the two when they were kids, even babies. Apparently they had been closer then James had let on.

"I thought that was you." Dallas turned around slightly spooked. His aunt stood at the doorway. She came closer. "I wondered when you'd be coming in here."

Dallas said nothing, aloud at least. "_Stay tough Dallas. Don't let this bother you. Stay tough. Stay focused."_

Dallas's aunt walked to where Dallas was standing. "She was beauty."

"_Keep cool, keep steady."_ Dallas thought to himself.

Caroline picked up the picture of a teenage James and Annie. "She could have had any boy in town she ever wanted and she only ever gave one the time of day."

"James." Dallas said.

"Yes, how'd you know?"

"He mentioned something about it when I went up to his place."

"He was plum crazy about your mother. It was such a shock when she ended up with your father."

Dallas cussed under his breath.

"I heard that Dallas and although I couldn't agree more I wish you would keep your language a bit cleaner." In reply Dallas only grunted.

His aunt smiled. "He went to the seminary after she left. Sometimes I think he wouldn't have done it if she would have stayed."

Dallas laughed in shock. "So you mean to tell me this dude becomes a preacher because my mom didn't love him?"

"Well James was always very religious. Nobody was surprised. He's the associate pastor here. He worked at some church before that."

"Doesn't answer my question."

"I think your mom did love him, very much in fact. But she got pregnant with you by your father and ran off with him."

'And he ran off on her." Dallas added curtly.

"Well yes. That's not the point. The point is she did what was expected. You marry the man who is the father of your child. It's just what was done."

"Yeha well some husband. He ran off and doesn't even show himself for eight years."

"I agree Dallas. Your mother deserved so much better but the way things are can't change, they just are. I just hate that you and James got caught in the crosswire as well."

"Sure." Dallas rolled his eyes and flopped on the bed. Dust flew around. His aunt sat beside him. "You're angry Dallas. You have every right to be. I never should have let your father keep you. I should have tried harder."

"And what makes you think that's what it's all about."

" Because I just do. You're mad at your mother for dying too."

Dallas said nothing. But part of him knew that his aunt had a point, that she was more then right.

**Meanwhile**

James took a sip of whiskey. His head pounded as he shivered it at the bitter taste. Tears flowed freely. His chest burned hard and his shoulders shook with sobs racking his body. the boy, that boy brought up too many memories, so many memories……..

_**Flashback**_

"_Annie, I, I……….."_

"_Don't need to worry about it. It's not your problem James. It's somebody else's mistake."_

_James took a step forward. "But you and I, I mean…. Oh Annie….." his voice was soft._

_Annie fought back tears. "I was drunk, so was he. We're getting married."_

"_Annie, you barley know the guy, what if he runs off on you?"_

"_Don't worry about it James. I can take care of myself and anybody else who comes along."_

"_Why can't I take care of you Annie? You know I can."_

"_James, it's over okay? We had our fun but you need to move on, got it? You have a future. Go on to the seminary like we talked about. No need to have a congregation talk about you. Let the town say what they will about me. You've got their respect. No need to lose it for a problem that isn't yours anyways."_

"_Oh Annie," James put a hand on her shoulder, "It doesn't matter to me. I, I love you."_

"_If you love me then leave me be." She snapped sobbing._

"_Fine." And with a heavy heart James walked out of Annie's life._

_**End Flashback**_

Moans racked James's body. "Oh Annie." he sobbed. "Why did you have to leave me?"


	13. Intermission 1951

Intermission Summer 1951

**Intermission Summer 1951**

Annie picked her son up to let him pet their horse Bullet. "Pretty Pony." he giggled.

She smiled broadly at him and gave him a hug.

"Yes, he is Dally."

"Mommy is pretty too."

"I agree." Annie sat her son down and turned around. James stood at the doorway to the barn.

"Hello James." Annie's voice came out softly.

"Hello yourself. Is this your son?"

"Yes," She picked him up, "This is Dallas Winston. I call him Dally."

James walked up and put out a hand to the boy. "Well hello Dally. I'm James."

Dally gave the man's hand a squeeze. "Hi." he said happily. "I'm a bib boy."

"You are? How old are you Dally?" James asked sweetly.

"He'll be three in November." Annie replied curtly.

"You are a big boy." James said. He looked at Annie. "He's a good kid Annie."

"Thank-you James. How have you been?"

"Good. I started at the seminary. I like it, what about you."

"You know me, I'm like the wind. I do a few rodeos here and there, waitress some."

"Are you sure you're okay? I heard about the cowboy." Cowboy came out like venom in his mouth,

"Dallas and I are doing fine on our own. We don't need Frank"

"Are you sure? If you need anything I can help. I'd be a good dad you know. Dallas looks more like me then him."

"He's not yours though James. Dally and I are doing just fine on our own. Find you a nice little girl that will make a good minister's wife. No congregation is going to accept me for the job."

"But what if I want you?" James asked stepping forward.

Annie's face softened. "Well Eve wanted that apple but it didn't turn out so good did it James?"

"You're no apple Annie."

Annie laughed. "James you deserve better. I'll just way you down. You know I have itchy feet. I'll end up breaking your heart. I couldn't stand it if I did that to you."

James nodded, tears flowing, and walked away. "You already are." he whispered.

Dallas looked at his mother. Tears came from her own eyes. "Are you okay Mommy?"

Annie looked at her son and hugged him tight. "I'm fine Dally."

"Then why you cwying? Awe you hurt? I can get Auntie Carol. She makes it betterer."

"It's nothing anybody can fix baby."

"How come."

Annie smiled. "That's just the way things are. Tell you what though. I think a kiss would make me feel better."

With that she kissed her son's cheeks. Then she began to tickle him. He laughed and laughed.


	14. The Birthday

**Ch 14**

"_Help!" The flames were all around him. Smoke clouded his vision. "Help!" Dallas knew that voice. It was Johnny._

"_Johnny, where are you."_

"_Dally, help!" Dallas rushed toward the voice coughing hard. _

"_I'm coming Johnnycake, hold on."_

_There was some rumbling and the roof caved in. Dallas dug his way out. He looked all around him. "Johnny, Johnny!" he called. He dug some more. He found him, Johnny. He was still as ice. His body was half charred. No breathing came. "Johnny, Johnny"_

**Beep, Beep, Beep!**Dallas yawned as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Darn Clock." he mumbled grabbing his crutches and heading downstairs. The first thing he noticed was that it was freezing; the second thing he noticed was that on the kitchen table was a larger breakfast then usual. There was bacon, eggs, toast, pancakes, biscuits, ham, muffins and sausage. There was even fried chicken.

"What's the occasion?" Dallas asked his aunt who sat on the corner drinking coffee. She smiled at him and hopped down.

"Happy birthday Dallas." His birthday, somehow he always managed to forget it was ever coming up. He was eighteen.

"So it is." George walked in covered in snow. "Bedded the animals down. Looks like you won't be having class today Carol. It's cold enough to freeze lava rock."

"I'll call the kids later. Besides if it's a snow day I'm sure they'll figure it out." Dallas smirked. He wasn't so wild about the brats his aunt had running around. He wasn't found of little kids. Not having them there was a great present.

"Sounds good to me." Dallas's aunt laughed.

"Does breakfast sound good too?"

"Yeha."

George cleared his throat loudly and looked straight at Dallas.

"I mean yes mame." he muttered.

"Good lets eat. I'll say the blessing." Carol said. They sat down. "Heavenly Father we thank you for the bountiful feast which we receive. I thank you for this young man we celebrate today and ask of you to bless his life and make it bountiful and full of cheer. AMEN!"

Dallas looked up. He rolled his eyes. His aunt could be so corny. Shrugging it off he poured maple syrup over his pancakes and took a bite. If he would ever say anything good of his aunt it would be that she was a great cook.

"Are you going to James's today? I'm sure he'll want to see you."

Dallas nodded. Except for all that religious fluff he tried to push, James was a pretty tuff guy.

'Well make sure to dress warmly and invite him for dinner. You can drive the truck. It's too cold to have Bullet out."

"Yeha okay," George eyed Dallas. "Yes mame." And they went to eating.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dallas knocked on James's front door. He shivered. It had gotten even colder. Soon James opened the door though. A wide smile appeared on his face. "Hello there Dallas. Come on in. I got a fire going."

With a relief Dallas stepped inside and allowed James to take his coat. They headed into the kitchen. James went over to the stove. "You want some cocoa?"

"Sure." Dallas said. It was chilly still and chocolate was one thing he never turned down. James fixed two cups and plopped down.

Dallas took a sip. "_Ahh,"_ he thought happily, _"relief." _

"Happy Birthday by the way."

"Thanks." James got up and went into the other room. He came back with a package wrapped in simple brown paper and handed it to Dallas. He opened it. Dallas immediately rolled his eyes. James had given him a bible, a bible.

"I know it's not exactly what you wanted but, well, you might find a use for it one of these days." James knew he wasn't winning the religious battle with Dallas but he hoped he would one day. "I have something else for you too. "

Dallas looked up. He followed James to the living room. In the basket there were three dogs but they looked more like wolfs. "They're part coyote. They're mother died and I got them last night. My guess is some dog got lose and had these little guys with her. Their mom was shot by some hunter. He found them yelping. They're only about five weeks old. I've got to feed them some milk and some solids every once in awhile I figure you might want to raise one. Dogs make great friends and truth is its going to be hard finding a part coyote a home."

As if on cue one of the dogs started to wine and the other joined in. "Food time. Want to help me?" Dallas nodded.

XXXX

After being fed the dogs quieted down for a nap. One had decided that the perfect spot was Dallas's lap. She just curled right up to him. Dallas tried to look exasperated with the pup but couldn't. "Well looks like this pup chose you."

Dallas shrugged petting the pup's reddish-grey fur. "Guess so."

"It will be good for you to take care of her. Usually pups don't leave their mother until weight weeks old but five weeks it will have to be. Besides raise a dog from a pup and it is the most loyal thing you'll ever meet. Your mom had this dog, Skipper, from the time she was six to right before she left here and he loved her. That dog followed her around everywhere she went."

Dallas laughed. He could imagine that.


	15. The Sickness

**Disclaimer I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

The snow fell hard against the ground. The wind banged upon the shutters and whistled mournfully. Dallas lay under the covers struggling to get warm. His leg ached and his head pounded. His throat was on fire and the rest of him froze. He coughed heavily. Dallas could never remember being this sick before but this had been going on a week or so, He groaned in frustration. Then another bought of coughs came. The coughs bought him back the fire, barley being able to breathe from the smoke, searching for Johnny.

It frustrated him to no end. Something always came up to remind him of Johnny or his mother. One little incident, a picture or a cough like this one. He hated the vulnerable feeling it gave him. Dallas hated not being able to push back the feelings of emptiness and heartache. He'd always been so good at that and now, that wall was crumbling.

He let out another spasm of coughs and pulled the blanket farther over his body. The stillness and silences of being sick brought all these feelings more then anything else did. At least with the chores and the probation visits he could keep busy. Keeping busy kept his mind off of things. It seemed to him that if idol hands were the devil's plaything then an idle mind must belong to misery. He sighed and coughed some more. It all sucked.

Just then his aunt walked in carrying a tray of soup and hot cocoa. Carol smiled at him and sat the tray on his dresser. "I thought this might make you feel better." She sat on the edge of the bed and made to feel of Dallas's forehead. He pushed her hand away. "Dallas be still. I'm trying to see if you have a temperature"

Dallas grumbled but begrudgingly obeyed. Ordinarily he might have put up a fuss but he didn't have the energy. His aunt put her hand to Dallas's forehead. Her hand felt cold as ice. She recoiled. "Dallas you're burning up. I'm going to get the thermometer. Stay in that bed." She left and Dallas rolled his eyes coughing some more. It made his head hurt worse.

His dog, the one he'd gotten from James, lopped in sticking her head threw the crack in the doorway. She walked over and yelped at him. "Not now coyote." he growled. His head was pounding and his little loud mouth pup didn't help matters much. Coyote yelped some more.

"Get out!" he yelled. His throat scratched and he coughed. Coyote tucked her head between her legs and ran.

Dallas felt kind of bad about it. He really did like the dog. He'd had her about a month or so. She was one tuff pup but right now he wasn't in the mood for company.

His aunt walked back in. "Open up, no complaining." She plopped the thermometer into his mouth and Dallas grabbed hold of it to keep it in place. He was less then thrilled. He never let anybody take care of him. He had done a good enough job of it himself for the past ten years. he didn't need the help.

Five minutes later his aunt pulled the thermometer out. She shook it in her right hand then glanced at it. "A hundred and one, Dallas you're getting pretty sick. I want you to stay on that bed. If you need anything I'll be checking up on you, No getting up, do you hear me?"

Dallas groaned and rolled his eyes but agreed. He wasn't in the mood to argue. "Eat some of that soup if you feel like it but not too much and get some sleep. I'll bring you another blanket" His aunt shut the lights off. And Dallas let out a long sigh.

Coughs racked his body and he was alone. The thoughts of Johnny and of his mother swirled in his head; and he fell into a fitful sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carol went into her nephew's room to check on him. Dallas coughed heavily in his sleep. His cheeks were rosy with fever and his teeth chattered. She walked over to his bedside and felt of his forehead. Dallas barley stirred. Carol yanked her hand back. He was on fire.

"Johnny, mmmm sorry." Dallas mumbled coughing. His breath was ragged and wheezy. Carol bit her lip in worry. "No, Johnny!" Dallas's voice was haggard and tired. Carol shook him slightly. He didn't wake.

"Dallas, Dallas." There was no reply except for a cough and another utterance of 'Johnny'. Carol shook him and again got the same reply. She took the thermometer from Dallas's bedside. She sat on the bed and held it in his mouth. When it was done checking the temperature she checked it. "_One Hundred and Three, I got to get him to a doctor."_

She ran to George's room on the top floor and banged on the door. He opened it. 'What's the matter?"

"It's Dallas, I can't wake him up. He has a high fever. We have to get him to the hospital."

George walked over and looked outside. "That's an hour away. The blizzard's too rough. We'd never be able to get there."

"What can we do?"

"Weather's too bad to get into town. There's not too much we can do."

Then Carol thought a minute. "James knows a lot about medicine because of the rescue center."

"I'll try to get to him. I don't know if I can drive. I'd have to take one of the horses. Do you think Dallas will be okay until then?"

"What choice do we have?"

"Okay then I'll head out."

"Be careful."

George smiled. "I'll try."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Carol sat on the edge of the bed by Dallas. He coughed. Some sticky red goo came out. Carol sighed, it was blood. She took some tissues and whipped Dallas's mouth. He didn't look half as threatening as he usually did. In fact he looked just like the helpless toddler who followed Annie around everywhere she went. It was that helpless look that made Carol worried. Sick as he was, Dallas had none of his usual defenses up.

Dallas moaned sleepily. "Johnny, where are you Johnny?" He coughed more but there was no blood. Carol sighed in relief. She pushed his hair back. His head was so hot but he shivered as if cold.

"I got him!" Carol heard George yell from downstairs.

Carol smiled and stroked Dallas's cheek. "Do you here that Dallas, James is here."

James ran up the stairs carrying a vet's bag. He wasn't certified but he had enough knowledge and equipment to be. He looked at Dallas and paled. As if in response Dallas let out another wave of coughs spewing out mucus. His breath wheezed and he moaned. "Johnny, mmmm, mom sorry……"

James got on his knees beside Dallas and took out a stethoscope. He checked Dallas's heartbeat and turned him over. He put it to Dallas's back. Dallas flinched. James listened to Dallas's heartbeat and turned him back over.

"I can't be sure but he may have pneumonia. We need to get him to the hospital and fast."

**Two Days Later**

James sat by Dallas as he laid barley moving on the hospital bed. Tubes were up his nose and an IV in his arm. The only movements were Dallas's slight ramblings and coughs.

He looked helpless, something James could never before use to describe Dallas Winston. He was far too withdrawn and tough to show any sign of weakness. That wall had crumbled as he lay sick though. It made James sad. Before now he had never thought the boy vulnerable, but he sure seemed that way.

James really had enjoyed the boy's company. Dallas was a trouble maker, his temper and stubbornness could not be matched. And yet he was a good kid. James had seen Dallas with animals. He was far more apt to be kind to them then people. James licked his lips. Dallas was for sure and certain his mother's son. He only hoped he would beat pneumonia like Annie had.

There was so much left to do. He wanted Dallas to get a chance to read that bible he had given him and listen. God had given Dallas a second chance at life and James didn't want to see it wasted. James sighed.

"Johnnycakes please don't die. Man please…….." he coughed heavily. James frowned. He knew a little about this Johnny character from Caroline who had explained what she knew of the story. Dallas mentioned little. Some pains you just left unspoken.

"It's okay kid, he's in a better place now." Dallas coughed and wheezed, barley able to breath. "Please Dallas your young kid. I know your strong enough to beat this."

So sorry I haven't updated. Computer trouble and writers block stink on ice.


	16. The Note

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Dallas yawned. He was bored out of his mind. After two and a half weeks lying in a hospital bed he was now stuck on bed rest. He mused that it was like being back in jail without the outside time. He was under strict orders to only get up to take a crap, as he so called it.

With nothing to do but lay down and pet Coyote absently he turned to the bedside table. The bible James had given lay on opened and gathering dust. Dallas rolled his eyes. _"I must be bored or loosing my mind one."_ He thought listlessly.

He opened the book to the first page. His name was in it along with his mother's, a birthdate. He turned the page and a folded piece of paper fell out. On the fold a phrase was written- _Psalm 86:5_.

Dallas knew from the time he had spent at the Curtis house that this was a bible verse. He opened the book and turned to it. _"For you Lord are good, and ready to forgive and abundant in mercy to all that call upon you."_

Dallas sat the bible down, still opened and looked at the paper. He opened it up. It was a letter from James.

_Dallas,_

_I reckon you have read that verse by now, curiosity does wonders you know. I wonder Dallas if you know what it means. Please listen Dallas. I know you've heard this from me a thousand times but God does love you._

_You're a criminal I know but read this book. You will find all those Sunday school people you read about, that god has used for greatness were not so perfect. Moses was a murderer. King David, the one who slayed Goliath, had an affair. Jacob was a cheat. Noah of the ark got drunk. Rehab who helped out at Jericho was a prostitute._

_Know this Jesus dined with prostates and tax collectors, who were thieves and cheats. They needed him the most. He did not die so that only the righteous could enter heaven, here's a little hint; none of us are righteous enough. He died for us all Dallas, saints and sinners alike._

_God loves you so much. I know you either think I'm being sissy or a liar or maybe you think I'm telling the truth. I am telling the truth Dallas. I would never lie to you about something so important._

_God does not hate you Dallas, only your actions. I know you do not want to here this Dallas but you are better then you pretend to be. Life has thrown you some curves kid and you've just took them as they come. You don't complain you get even._

_It does not have to be that way. Don't be so bitter, stop hating the world. Stop trying to be a thug. I know that there may have been times it seems you've had no choice but it's not like that now._

_Maybe you didn't die that night you wanted to because God has another plan. He's given you a second chance at life Dallas, do not waste it._

_In the very least think of your mother. She was very mischievous but she was not a thug. I know she believed as I do Dallas. Remember I knew her better then anyone. It would break her heart to see you be the way you are. She loved you Dallas, so much. Do not do this to her. She raised you better then this._

_And your friend, Johnny, what about him? I did never know the boy but it seems to me as if though he made mistakes he was a good person. What would he tell you Dallas, what would he say?_

_Please Dallas read this bible, listen to it. For our sakes and even more for your own. Life is precious don't waste it. Remember the wages of sin is death. I do not want you to spend the rest of eternity away from God. Believe it out not kid, you've grown on me._

_James_

Dallas fumed. How dare James talk about his mother and Johnny! What did he know anyways? Dallas wanted nothing but to rip that letter to shreds and throw that bible out his window but he didn't. Something told him not to.

He thought of his mother and of Johnny. James was right when he said he knew nothing about Johnny. He didn't know that Johnny had parents who Dallas wanted very much to knock six feet under for they treated him. He didn't know that Johnny who was perhaps the best guy Dallas had ever known didn't mean to kill that boy or that he didn't deserve to die.

Dallas closed his eyes and clenched his fists. James did not know what his mother would or would not want. She wouldn't want to be dead. She wouldn't have wanted to have been beaten, raped. She would not have wanted to go home constantly for a year to a man who did not love her, to give up her horse.

Dallas pounced the pillow. James was wrong about his mother. She did not love him enough. She had left him just like that. She had not fought long enough.

"_He's wrong about me to. I aint nothing. I deserve everything I get and more. I'm a worthless piece of crap. I couldn't save Johnny and I darn well couldn't save my mother."_


	17. The Breakdown

**Discalimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**February**

**Flashback**

_It was bitter cold out. Dallas sat on the stoops of his building. He could here his father's yelling and ranting distantly over the sound of sirens and children playing. He kicked the snow on the stoop step below him._

_"Ouch." He had jammed his ankle too hard. Dallas grabbed his shoe rubbing the sore ankle._

_His mom walked out of the building then and sat down beside him. She had a black eye and busted up lip. Dallas never could understand why his mother who had never taken a beating from anyone let his father have his way. She never ever would have let a man touch her before. He sighed._

_"Dally?"_

"_Hey ma." She smiled at him, her blue eyes kind and full of love._

"_Are you okay?"_

_"Fine." He muttered._

_She leaned in and hugged him Dallas could smell her. She smelt like peppermint and wild flowers. Dallas pulled away pretending to be disgusted but not really. "Ma what if the guys are watching?"_

_His mother laughed. "Then I reckon we'll just have to let them." Her eyes glowed but they looked kind of sad as if a realization of some sort had just hit._

_"Ma?"_

_"Yes Dally?"_

_"Why do you let him hit you?"_

_His mother just didn't answer she looked away desperately. Dallas sighed. "She's changed. Ma used to tell me everything. And she never would let anyone hurt her like that._

"_Never mind that kiddo. Just go and have some fun,"_

"_Yeah okay ma."_

"_That a boy."_

_Dallas's mother kissed his check. He whipped at it trying to look disgusted. "Yuck." He went off and to play with a group of neighborhood kids._

"Dallas, Dallas."

Dallas shook his head. "Huh, oh it's you." Doctor Bruner was looking at him.

"What were you thinking about?" Dallas said nothing as usual. "Dallas I've been over this a thousand times. If you don't tell me I can't begin to help you. You don't want to spend the rest of your life in and out of prison do you?"

You could have hears a pin drop it was so quiet. Dallas folded his arms and looked to the side. He mumbled something under his breath.

"I'm sorry what was that?"

"I said no okay, no. You know N-O it usually means that you do not want something."

Dr. Bruner laughed. "So you do talk. I'm glad. Now tell me Dallas what were you thinking about?"

"My mother okay, you happy now?" Dallas fumed. "I was thinking about my mother."

"You were only eight when she died, am I correct?"

"Yes."

"It must have been hard on you. She was your primary caretaker according to your file, for quiet sometime. You must have been very close."

Dallas clenched his teeth. _"Don't think about it, think about and you're a pansy. Don't be a pansy stay cool, stay tuff."_

"Dallas?"

"What?"

"Do you ever miss your mother?"

Dallas looked away?"

"Are you ever angry at her for leaving you?"

Dallas scowled. "She didn't leave me," he mumbled." She was stolen."

"Excuse me."

"I said she was taken from me and I'm not angry with her. I'm angry with…" Dallas paused.

"With who Dallas?"

"I'm angry at those thugs who took her, but you no what?"

"What Dallas."

"I'm the one who did it."

"Dallas surely your not implying you killed her."

"_You stupid idiot. What are you doing?"_ "Might as well have. I couldn't save her. I should have been with her."

"Dallas, there was nothing you could have done. You were only eight. You would be dead to"

Dallas closed his eyes. He could still hear his mother's screams in his head. He bit his lip. "Maybe I should have died." _"What did you go and do that for you pans?" _

"Dallas what would your mother say?"

"Nothing, she's dead remember?"

"I'm sure she would not want the same for you."

Dallas shrugged. "Dallas I would like to try something with you."

"What."

"I want to hypnotize you."

"I aint no circus act."

"I know that but it might bring up some repressed memories. Bring closure."

"Fine."

XXXX

Dallas was hypnotized, his eyes in a daze. His subconscious, usually buried deep had taken over

"Dallas do you remember the day your mother died?"

'Yes." His voice was dreamy, far off.

"Tell me about it."

"I was playing with some of the neighbor hood guys. We were out on the basketball court. There were screams, a woman's screams. We thought nothing of it, you know muggings happened everyday no need to get ourselves mixed up. The screams didn't stop, they wouldn't stop. But we kept going.

I was walking home with my buddy Roy later. We went to the ally where the screams were. Maybe the thugs had left something. Roy gulps and I look where he's looking. There was so much blood. She's moaning. I yell at Roy to go get help. I walk closer. There was blood, so much blood, so much blood." Dallas breathed heavily almost hyperventilating. The lady was real beat up. Her face was smashed in and she was hardly breathing. I looked closer. It was ma." Dallas started sobbing. His subconscious finally gaining control in his hypnotized state. He coughed heavily still feeling side effects from the pneumonia.

His shoulder's shook and he wailed "Ma, ma I'm so sorry, ma."

"Dallas, Dallas when I snap my fingers you are going to come out of your hypnotized state. You will remember all of this. One two three." **SNAP!**

Dallas lifted his head startled still crying. His shoulders shook and his fist clinched. "I should have ran when I heard the screams. I should have stopped it. She was in so much pain. I could have stopped it I should have……."

Dr Bruner frowned. He had never seen the eighteen year old act this way. It was shocking and sad. "Dallas what could you have done, you were eight?"

Dallas growled and clenched his teeth. When he said nothing else the doctor gazed at him and began to speak once more. "Surely you do know this. You would have died too."

Dallas said nothing. He just grabbed his crutches and headed out the door slamming it behind him.


	18. The Confession

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

James sat in his study sipping a cup of cocoa. There was a knock at the door. James put his arms over his head and stretched. Then he stood up and went to answer it.

He was shocked to find Dallas standing there white blond hair and cloths covered in snow. "Dallas." It looked as if Dallas had been crying. James had never seen him like that.

"Come on in kid before you get sick again." Dallas complied shivering.

"It's got to be below freezing out there." His voice was horse, shaky. It unnerved James. As a pastor, even an associate one he knew what a breakdown looked like. It looked like that was where Dallas was headed.

"Kid, take a seat." James motioned toward the sofa. Dallas stumbled over and plopped down. He sniffled and whipped away a tear quickly, hoping James did not notice.

Just then the phone rang. "I'll be right back, stay there."

Dallas nodded.

"Safeway Animal Rehabilitation Clinic, James speaking."

"James," a frantic voice cried, "this is Carol. Have you seen Dallas? He stormed out of his therapist's office. A blizzard is coming. If he's out there……"

"Don't worry Carol. Dallas is right here safe and sound."

"Thank God."

"I won't risk getting him out in the storm. He can stay here tonight."

"God bless you. You think it will be okay with his probation"

"Yes. I'll keep him safe." James hung up the phone and looked over at Dallas who sat trying not to cry. James sighed and sat beside him.

"That was your aunt she's worried about you kid." Dallas said nothing. James ran his fingers through his own blond hair. "She said you ran out on you therapy session. Do you want to talk about it?"

Dallas shook his head. "No." he muttered.

"My ear is always open Dallas."

"I said no god……."

"**Don't even finish that sentence. I do not care how upset you are. You will not use the Lord's name in that way!"**

Dallas sat stunned by James's sudden outburst. He nodded. "Whatever you say." James had never looked so threatening. He was normally meek enough but just then he could have rivaled Darry. But as quickly as it came it was gone. James looked like he wouldn't hurt a fly. He reminded Dallas so much of Mr. Curtis that it wasn't funny.

"A Blizzard is on its way. We'll be here all night. Now do you want to talk about it or not."

Dallas really didn't want to. Even thinking about his mother then would be like poring salt into an open wound; and he didn't want to lose his cool. He had to stay tuff. But James wouldn't leave him alone until he did.

So Dallas inhaled a deep breath. "Fine." He muttered.

"What was that?"

"You want to know what this is all about. I killed mom, I killed her you know and that…." Dallas breathed heavily pushing back tears…… "He had to make me think about it."

James felt his heart lurch. "Dallas you know you didn't, you could never….."

"Oh I may have not done the job but I sure as heck didn't do anything to stop it."

James put a hand on Dallas's shoulder. Dallas pushed him away. "I'll tell you."

"I was playing with some of the neighborhood guys. We were out on the basketball court. There were screams, a woman's screams. We thought nothing of it, you know muggings happened everyday no need to get ourselves mixed up. The screams didn't stop, they wouldn't stop. But we kept going.

I was walking home with my buddy Roy later. We went to the ally where the screams were. Maybe the thugs had left something. Roy gulps and I look where he's looking. There was so much blood. She's moaning. I yell at Roy to go get help. I walk closer. There was blood, so much blood, so much blood. The lady was real beat up. Her face was smashed in and she was hardly breathing. I looked closer. It was ma. She wasn't moving. I remember walking up to her. I shook her and shook her. She just kept moaning, didn't even know I was there. I kept calling out to her but nothing. Then the ambulance took her away. She went to the hospital and three days she was dead. She was **DEAD!" **

Dallas sobbed hands covered his face. He rocked. "If I had, if I had just not ignored the screams….."

"You'd be dead." James said softly. Tears had begun to form in his own eyes. He had never known exactly how Annie had died. _"Oh Annie. My poor Annie"_ He though sadly.

"I don't care. Ma was all I had. Don't you get that? By just standing by I got her killed. I know the law; I'm practically an accessory to murder. I wanted to die when she did. My Ma didn't deserve to die, not like that. She was so scared. Ma aint ever been scared of nothin. They raped her and beat her. The beat her so bad that it took me five minutes of looking to recognize her"

James shivered. His heart was breaking. He let out a sob. "Oh Dallas…."

"Don't okay, just don't. I killed her and I got Johnny killed. If I had never been born they both would be here." Not for the first time that day Dallas sobbed. He had finally broken, shattered his tuff image and he didn't really care.

"Dallas don't you ever say that," James cried," not ever. Your mom, she loved you so much. Annie always did what was best for you."

'How would you know, you were never around."

If words could kill James would be dead, stabbed in the heart with an icy knife. "That doesn't mean I don't know. Annie never loved anything halfway. I saw her with you a couple of times. She adored you. She could never blame you Dallas. Guilt is a terrible thing Dallas."

Dallas licked his lips. "Shove it."

"Fine but Dallas, think of it this way. What would it do to your mom if she had lived and you had died. She would have died anyways."

"At least I'd still have her."

James sighed. "Yes, but we wouldn't have you. Whether you choose to believe it or not Dallas you are a good man. Don't think that God spared you for no reason. You're not a murder.

I heard about your friend. You went into a burning building to get him. He may have died but think of it this way. He spent his last hours a hero. He didn't die burnt to death. He had a chance to really live. You gave him a gift Dallas, a gift."

"Whatever." The wind began to blow outside.

"I have to go secure the animals before the storm sets in. You didn't kill Annie, Dallas. Think about it awhile." James stood up and left Dallas in the room by himself.


	19. The Bad Memories

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

James shivered as he looked back at the barn. He made sure the animals had plenty of feed, water and blankets. There was nothing more he could do. He shivered in the freezing cold. Dallas's words still made his blood run cold. _", so much blood, so much blood"_

James ran a hand through his hair. The wind picked up some more and snow began to fall. James took one more look at the barn then headed inside. Dallas had fallen asleep.

He sighed. Dallas looked so much like Annie asleep. James had never known how she had died. All he knew was she had been mugged. The details had been sketchy. All he knew was that was the day that broke his heart.

_Flashback_

_James had just come into his apartment from giving a sermon when the phone rang. He rushed to answer it. "Hello."_

_"Hey kid." His father's voice was strained, softer then the boisterous, happy man usually used._

"_Dad, are you okay."_

_James's father paused and James's heart skipped a beat. "I'm fine Jamie-boy. I'm fine."_

"_Then what is it? You sound terrible."_

"_Sit down kiddo."_

"_Dad?"_

"_Please."_

_James sat. His father sounded desperate. "I'm sitting dad. What it, are you sick?"_

_There was a pause. James thought he heard his father cry. "I'm not sick Jamie-boy. Its Annie, Carol got a call…."_

_James's heart raced. A million thoughts ran through his mind. "Is she there, is she sick, hurt. I'll go to her. I'll take the next flight…….."_

"_No James. She's not sick.. You can't go visit her. Carol tried to call her up in New York last night. That cowboy answered the phone. Annie, she's… she's"_

_James's hands shook. "She's what dad. Annie's what."_

"_Oh Jamie-boy. She was mugged, three weeks ago. Annie's dead kiddo."_

_James shuddered. "No, you're lying. Annie, she, she can take care of herself. Annie can fight she……"_

"_She's gone. I'm so, sorry son. I'm so, so sorry"_

"_No." James sobbed. _

"_I'm sorry son, so sorry. I know you loved her."_

"_I, I got to go." _

_He hung up the phone. He could scarcely believe it. He didn't want to. If words could kill he would have died a thousand times that moment. His life felt shattered. That was the worst night of his life,. That was the night he started drinking, his secret sin. That was the night he died inside._

_End Flashback_

James walked over to Dallas and just watched him. For the first time ever he understood the boy, completely. Just as he had done with the years of drinking, with denying himself before others, Dallas was doing with his crime.

It was punishment. Dallas believed he was responsible for Annie's death. Since the law wouldn't punish him for that crime he gave the law other reasons. This coupled with its repercussions and Dallas's bad temper had led the boy astray. Dallas was not a bad person, just troubled. James vowed then he would get through to him.

Dallas murmured nothings in his sleep, teeth chattering. "Johnny, kid don't die." He moaned. "Mom, no!" "No!"

James took another blanket and covered him up. He could only imagine what the boy dreamed of. It broke his heart. "Poor kid."


	20. Intermission 1958

**I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Intermission- 1956

Little Dally Winston ran toward the room he'd stolen a glance at the nurse's papers to find. He ran as fast as his little feet would carry him. The room was white with the beeping and clicking of what seemed like a thousand machines.

A woman hovered over a bed. There were all kinds of wires and machines. Dallas shivered. He didn't know much about health but he knew that the machines were not a good sign. "Mom."

The woman, a nurse turned around. "You can't be here. You have to have a parent or guardian with you. Now get; she needs her rest."

Dallas ignored the woman and walked closer. "Mom…"

The nurse gave a huff and walked towards Dallas. She grabbed his arm and started to drag him out. "Out now!"

There was a moan. The nurse stopped a minute. She turned to the bed. "What was that dear?"

"My son," the voice was so quiet and horse Dallas barely heard it. He was sure the nurse had a hard time understanding.

"Yes dear?"

The voice gasped for air. "My son, I want my son."

The nurse hovered over. "But you need your rest. He can come back later."

"Please, my son, My Dally." The voice said. It was so weak and tired. Dallas shivered. His mom sounded exhausted.

"All right dear. You can see your son." The nurse walked over to Dallas. "Go on now, be careful."

Dallas walked over. The closer he got the more the machines overwhelmed him. "Mom?" His mother moaned. Dallas got up closer. He yelped. The woman in the bed did not look like his mother at all. His mother was beautiful. Men were always telling her this. He used to think she was an angel. But now….

Her face was beaten in, bruised, blackened and broken. Scars lined it all over. Her hair had been hacked off. She was swollen and paler then usual. She wore casts on both legs and one arm. Her eyes were open only to slits, swollen over. Her nose was completely out of place.

"Mommy?"

"Dallas, Dally?"

"I'm here mom." Dallas felt like crying. His mom was a boisterous woman, she sounded like a kitten now.

"My baby." A ghost of a smile lit her face. Dallas sniffled then. He really was crying. This was all his fault. He should have saved her.

With her uncasted arm she beckoned him. Careful of the wires Dallas climbed onto the bed. Slowly Annie Winston brought her son to her. Dallas sighed helping her. She was so weak, so unlike herself.

Dallas would never admit it but he was scared to death. He turned on his side to face his mother. She stroked his hair, slowly. Overwelmed by it all Dallas started to cry. Annie hated to see her son cry. It hurt her deeply. "Sssh," she muttered tiredly. "Please don't cry kiddo. Be my tough little guy while I'm here."

Dallas sniffled. "Come on, where…." Annie gasped for air, "where's my little imp?"

At the mention of his pet name he forced a smile. "Right here mom."

"That a boy." Annie stroked her son's hair some more. "You always have been my brave one."

Dallas sighed. He grabbed his mother's hand. "Your going to be okay, won't you mommy?"

Annie inhaled deeply and coughed. "Mommy?"

"I'll try Dally. Just stay with me a little while. You make me feel so much better." Sighing Dallas laid his head on the crook of his mother's good arm. He yawned sleepily.

'I'll stay mommy. I love you."

"I love, love you too Dally."

**A.N.- wow so sad. This gives glimpse into Dallas's tragic past. Poor guy, he needs a big hug.**


	21. The Understanding

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

'_I'll stay mommy. I love you."_

"_I love, love you too Dally."._

Dallas awoke with a start. It was freezing cold, a not all of the cold came from the blizzard. There were some things best left unremembered and he had dreamed of one of them. It unnerved him.

"You okay kid?" Dallas looked up. It was James. He had let his guard down once for him. He didn't want to do it again. He had to stay tough be strong, he had to or this would happen again. But it had happened and now Dallas felt unsure of himself.

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe he could let his guard down. James would understand. But no. He was Dallas Winston. He didn't need anybody's sympathy or pity. He didn't want it. Then again…..

"I'm fine." Dallas answered gruffly.

"_Not this again."_ James thought sadly, "Are you sure. You didn't sound so good, like you had a nightmare."

"I'm fine. I said I'm fine."

"Dallas please."

"Fine you want to know. I dreamed about mom. Okay I'm a freakin pansy who dreamed about the last time he saw his mom before she went six feet under. Boo hoo hoo."

"Dallas…I…I..."

"You what? You feel sorry for me, is that it? I'm sick and tired of you people trying to dissect me. My mom's dead, my best friends dead. Its over and its done with. So you can just take all your religious and sympathy crap and shove it up…"

"Dallas, I'm not trying to pity you. I'm trying to help you." James sighed. Dallas's mood swings drove him half crazy. One minute the boy was eager to tell what was on his mind, the next he kept himself glued up.

"I don't want your help. I just want you to leave me be. I was just fine before you all started in."

James walked closer; knowing very well that in his mood Dallas might snap and hit him or worse. "Dallas, do you really think you were fine? Does trying to commit suicide sound fine? Does punishing yourself for something you didn't do seem fine? You keep all your emotions bottled up and you're like a balloon with too much air in it. You just burst. What happens next time you burst Dallas? Do you think any of us want you dead? Answer me this. Do you think your mother wants you dead?"

That did it. Dallas shoved James right into the wall. James and he both panted. Dallas ran his fingers threw his hair.

"She wouldn't want to be dead. She wouldn't have wanted to have been beaten, or raped. She wouldn't want to know her son could have done something to stop it bur didn't. So don't you go talking about what she would or wouldn't want."

"I know one thing. Annie would not wanted to have died knowing her son was planning on following her so soon. She'd want to live but if it meant living without you, do you really think she would want that? And Johnny, he thought the world of you I am sure. Would he really want to think you're a coward who can't deal with his own emotions?"

Dallas fell to the ground and put his head into his hands. His guard falling down was getting to be a real hassle. He did not want these things running through his head but there they were, and he did not quite know how to deal with them. "What do you know about it huh? How do you know I feel?"

The wind howled and whistled between the silence that came between them, James looked down dejectedly. "You're right, you know. Nobody knows exactly how you feel except God and I have a feeling that he's going to keep that between the two of you. But I can try to understand. That's all anyone can do."

When Dallas refused an answer James continued. 'I loved your mother Dallas. She was my very best friend. Growing up she was practically my only friend. But she meant a lot more then that. I loved her Dallas, more then I have ever in my life loved anybody. I wanted to be with her forever but unfortunately she didn't feel like I did. SO if you are asking me how I understand your feelings, there you have it."

Dallas didn't say a word. He just stared at James and then stalked off into the bedroom. James sighed. He took a deep breath. _"Please God; help me get through to him. Help him to listen. I like this kid. It's like having a piece of Annie back with me. He's so troubled though. Half the time I don't know what to say to him. _

_And Carol is at the end of her ropes. He's a good kid but he want let anybody else knows it. He tries to put on a show and seem so tough. He's so destructive. I'm scared next time he loses his cool, he'll do something crazy. I don't want that to happen. Please."_

Having another sigh James headed towards into the bedroom.1

1. Forgive me. I wrote most of this chapter at like three in the morning


	22. The Confrontation

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders **_

Dallas looked around. He had never been in James's room before. The walls were lined with pictures. James and a old man, James and the old man only younger. There were even more pictures of James and a pretty little girl, ten a beautiful teenager. Dallas shivered. He knew her all to well, his mother.

There were all sorts of 4-h ribbons and those from rodeos. There were even a few from jockeying. But this was not what grabbed Dallas's attention. There was a half empty gallon on the dresser, a half empty gallon of whiskey. "_What a hypocrite."_ Dallas thought numbly.

"I see you found my little secret." Dallas swung around. "You…."

James sighed. "Yes me."

Dallas's fists shook with rage. "You drink that all by yourself or is it what for the animals?" His voice was mocking and sarcastic, more so then James ever had heard from Dallas, almost incriminatingly so.

James sighed and put his hands through his hair. He stared at Dallas and the bottle, real hard. He didn't even notice the presence of the coyote dog on his bed. He just stared.

"WELL?"

James licked his lips. "Its mine Dallas. I'm not proud of it but its mine."

"What are you a hypocrite? You spit all this Jesus loves me stuff, and oh Dallas you should live better, what would your mother say? And here you are a drunk, a no good, lousy…."

"Yes a drunk, a voluptuary, a degenerate, an inebriate. Is that want you wanted to say? If I aint got church sometimes I drink myself into a stupor. Nobody's perfect kid."

"Says the preacher." When James said nothing Dallas went on. "And you know what I don't care. You can just go on and drink yourself silly. Have an aneurism, a car wreck. I don't care I don't……"

"Dallas …." James stepped forward. Dallas heaved angrily.

"You what, you're sorry. You're only human. I'm sick and tired of your pity. I'm sick and tired of you holding my mother over my head. I'm sick of you acting like you can do any better then me. You sit and drink yourself away for all I care. You're the one with the problem forgetting her, not me. She obviously didn't give a crap about you."

James didn't know what came over him but he suddenly felt very angry. He reared back his fist and thrust it forward into Dallas's jaw, Dallas unable to see this coming fell back wards into the bed, his bad leg falling from under him.

He muttered a slew of curses and grabbed his leg tightly. James's shoulders shook. He had never hit anybody, never hit anybody. He had never meant to hit Dallas like that.

Dallas sucked in his breath. James was imminently by his side. "Dallas, I, I…"

"Get away from me. If you have any idea what's good for you, you'll get away from me."

James nodded solemnly. "Okay Dallas, okay. Let me get you something for the pain, just please…" BOOM!

There was a flash of light and the room went dark.

* * * * * * *

James finished lighting the candles then handed Dallas a glass of whiskey. "Here for the pain." Dallas looked at him. He gave a harsh barking laugh.

"I know you aren't supposed to have it and yes it is what we were arguing about. It helps though. I do the same thing for my animals."

"Oh well that just makes everything better." He mumbled sarcastically.

James rolled his eyes. "Just drink it. I know you've had harder stuff then this." Glaring at him, Dallas took the glass and downed the whiskey in one shot. He gave one large burp then smiled smugly.


	23. The Worry

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Carol looked out the window and sighed. The snow was coming down heavier now and the wind blew hard. It had gotten very cold and icy. _"Oh, Dallas."_

"You okay Carol?" George walked up from behind and placed a hand on his boss's shoulder. Carol turned her head around. There were tears in her eyes. "It's the boy isn't it?"

Carol shrugged. "He's never lost it like that before, not since he got here. Dr. Brunner said he was a wreck when he went out of the office. It's not like Dallas to be like that. Dr. Brunner couldn't say much because of doctor patient privilege but he said Dallas had a breakdown. He's at James's now but I'm still worried George. What if he tries to kill himself again? He could do it too, you know Dallas could. I can't lose him George. I can't."

George frowned. He didn't know what to say. Carol went on. "He's all I have got left of Annie. He's all I got left of her. I know he's difficult…" George raised an eyebrow. "Okay more then difficult but he's my nephew, George. Dallas is the only family I have left. He's Annie's baby. She….."

George's hand shook as he drew Carol to him, unsure if it was the right thing to do. "You miss her." He said softly.

Carol bared her head in George's chest for a moment and then looked up at him. "Of course I miss her. She was my sister, my baby sister. Annie was everything. I was twenty when she was born, twenty. I was old enough to be her mother. I practically raised her when Elaine died. How can I not love her son? He is so much like Annie. He's had his share of troubles, he's a delinquent. But he is still Annie's. He's still a part of her and she's a part of him"

George put a hand through Carol's hair. He had never been so, so friendly with her before. But right then he wanted nothing more then to comfort her, be there. "Carol…"

"How can I let him go? He's all I have left of Annie. He's what she loved most. I promised Annie when he came to live here that I would take care of him. I would help him. I have never broken a promise to my sister, not once in my life.

I remember when she was little. Annie was always stubborn and a tomboy. But she got scared just like another kid. I remember when she would run into my room during a storm like this or a thunder storm. She would curl up to me and ask me to stay with her. Dallas has his own storm right now. I have to stay with him George I have to, for Annie. For me.

Helping him can never bring my sister back, I know. But it can help. I will never see Annie again, never hold her or comfort her. I will never get to scold her or give her advise. I will never see her win another rodeo. It has been almost ten years but it hurts as bad as if it were yesterday. I can't to any of those things for Annie but I sure as heck can do them for Dallas. I can't lose him."{

George held Carol tighter. "You won't lose him Carol. Dallas has been holding this all in for so long the damn was sure to burst. Now that it has we can fix those cracks. He won't do anything rash. He's with James now I think a preacher knows how to help Dallas better then we do. James is a good man. He would never let Dallas hurt himself. "

Carol shook. "I know, I know that but what about when he comes home?"

"We'll take care of him. Give him what he needs. He's a pain in the neck but he's a member of this household. He drives me nuts, you know but he's growing on me. I could never let anything happen to someone I car about, to someone you care about. I'll watch out for him as if he were my son."

"But he's not," Carol whispered, "He's James's."

"What?" Geroge asked. Carol shook harder, crying.

"Nothing."


	24. The Truth

"Carol you just said that James was Dallas's father."

Carol shivered. "No, I didn't, I…"

George eyed Carol supessusly. "Carol you said it. I heard you. No tell me the truth is James Dallas's father or isn't he?"

"I promised Annie I wouldn't tell. She wanted it kept secret."

George's eyes grew wide. 'So it is true."

Carol nodded. "Yes, its true. "

"How long have you known?"

Carol nodded toward kitchen table and she and George sat down. "I've always known. Frank was a one nighter. Annie had been pregnant for two months. She got him drunk as a skunk and well whether or not they slept together I don't know, but he sure thinks they did."

George raised his eyebrows. "I aint exactly crazy about the man, from what you've said but isn't that kind of cruel?"

Carol sighed. "Yes and no. Frank always had eyes for Annie so he was an easy target."

"But why?"

Carol gave a rueful sob. "You know James loved Annie. It's so obvious its plane to see. You've seen the way he his with Dallas, all for Annie. He loved her more then anything, except…"

"Except for what?"

"As much as James loved her I don't think you understand how much Annie loved him, from the start. He was hers. He was her friend, like a brother and more. She was very protective of James, almost possessive. She would probably have done anything for him, anything. You see Annie was protecting him. She was afraid what people would say if James had an illigetamet son. She was afraid that he would waste his life away for herself and Dallas. Annie couldn't stand it. She never thought she was good enough for him you know.

And she was scared too. Annie was afraid that he would leave her one day. She thought he would realize he could do better and up and leave. She left him before he could leave her. He was her……her kryptonite. He was her greatest weakness and greatest strength. If it meant keeping James happy she would do it, and if it meant she could go without ever hurting her thoughts of him she would. Annie knew Frank would leave and so she let him take the bait and the blame.

George was silent a moment. 'Sounds like love alright. But Annie's gone Carol. Don't you think she would want Dallas to have James now that she can't. They should know. James is Dallas's father. They are all each other has. James deserves this last piece of her."

"I know but I promised. What if, what if it scares him off. And Dallas, he'll be so angry. He's upset enough as it is."


	25. The Truth Comes Out

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders **_

James walked into the living room to find Dallas and Carol sitting on the sofa. Dallas had a scowl clearly etched on his face. It was obvious to James that the young man didn't want him there.

"Have a seat James," Carol indicated the armchair directly beside the sofa, "I need to talk to both of you."

Dallas made to stand up. "Whatever it is I aint hearing it."

"Dallas Winstion you just sit your butt right there on that sofa. I may be to small to whip you but Geroge most certainly is not. This is important and you will listen with your trap shut. Understood?"

Carol intook a deep breath. The stress of the situation was takeing it's toll. Her temper wasn't usually so short.

"Understood." Dallas folded his arms and leaned back defiantly.

Carol nodded takeing another moment to collect herself. This was not by anymeans going to be easy. "Alright then good."

"Um Carol, are you sure you need me here. I don't mean to be rude but I think its best if I give Dallas his space at the moment." James looked at Dallas who glared back. He didn't want to further antagonize what had been a good friendship by trying Dallas's nerves. And James was sure that was just wht his pressense was doing.

"This concerns you as well James."

"Alright then. I'll stay."

"Good." Carol looked at the two and took another deep breath. "There is something you both need to know. The argument you told me about clinched it. It's about Annie………"

"I don't want to here anything about my mother."

"This isn't entirely about her Dallas."

"I don't freakin care. I don't want to here it." He made to stand up."

"**DALLAS SIT DOWN NOW!"**

Carol heaved. She wasn't used to yelling like that. Dallas most have been in shock too because he sat down without saying another word.

"This is a little about your mother but not all the way. You see Dallas Annie, she, she was keeping a secret from you."

"What I got a half brother or something?" Dallas barked sarcastically. He wasn't in any mood to be tried at the moment and wished his aunt would get straight to the point.

"No Dallas. You are an only child. Your mother, she was, that is she lied about your father. Frank had nothing what so ever to do with getting your mother pregnant."

Dallas took this all in. It seemed reasonable enough. He never much cared for Frank, the cowboy. Most simply because Frank didn't seem to give a crap about him. Then of course there was the fact that Frank spent more time losing money then making it and more time drunk then sober. If Frank wasn't his father it made sense enough. They didn't even look alike.

Of course there were the implications. If his mother could have thought Frank was the father or even convinced Frank that was the truth it meant she might have been a regular slut. Dallas didn't like anyone making those accusations about his mother. Nobody, just nobody talked about his mom that way; even if it was his aunt doing the talking.

"My mother wasn't some two dollar an hour slut, she……."

Carol gave a rueful smile. "Of course she wasn't Dallas. Your mother was many, many things but that was not one of them. Annie slept only with two men, just two."

James's face blanched and his whole body stiffened. _"It can't be, it can't be….. Annie would never……"_

"She slept with Frank and the other was somebody whom she loved very, very deeply."

Dallas looked over at James. His thoughts mirroring the very pale faced pastor.

Carol looked over at James. "She never meant to hurt you James. Annie loved you. She wanted what was best for you."

"Are you telling me that….."

Carol nodded. "Yes Dallas James is your father."

"SHIT!"

Dallas stood up. "Dallas…."

"Leave me the, just leave me alone."

"Dallas…" James began.

"Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I don't care if I ever see you again. I thought Frank was bad but man oh man. I hate you. I hate you no wonder mom left you."

"Dally…"

"Don't call me that. Don't you call me that. Just leave me the heck alone." Dallas gave a stream of violent curses as he stormed up the stairs.

James just sat very still, processing the information in his head. Dallas was his. Dallas was his and Annie's. They could have had a life together. They could have….. James held his head in his hands and sobbed. "OH Annie, Annie." His shoulders racked and shook.

Carol stood up and walked to James's chair. She Knelt down and placed a hand on his knee as if comforting a small child. And in truth Carol could almost see the little boy who followed her sister around as if he were a little lost puppy.

"James," she said gently, " She loved you. She loved you so very much. You meant the world to her. Annie was trying to protect you. She thought you deserved so much better then her."

James shook his head. "I loved her, I wanted her. I couldn't do any better."

Carol sighed. "I know that James but Annie, she didn't feel good enough for you. She didn't want to ruin your reputation, your chance at a better life. And she was afraid. What if one day you realized you could do better? She left you before you could leave her."

"I would never… I couldn't….."

"Deep down I think Annie knew that. But she knew that you were meant for great things. She would never stop you from doing them. And she loved Dallas too. She knew what people around here would say. She didn't want you to resent him because of what was said. It was the kind of thing expected of Frank but not of you. Frank could take it."

"But Frank he's son unreliable. I would have been a good dad. I care about that kid. I couldn't ever resent him. We could have been happy together."

"I know that but people do crazy things when they are in love. I think Annie was punishing herself for your sake. She loved you so she had to let you go. It was the hardest thing my sister ever did."

James sniffled. "She didn't have to do it, she didn't have to. She didn't deserve to be punished. And Dallas, Dallas he should have had a real dad. I should have been there. I would never have left him or ignored him."

"I know that James."

"He should have had a stable home, not so much traveling. We could have had a life together. We could have, we should have been a family."

"It's not to late you know. Go home and get some rest. I'll go talk with Dallas. I'm not sure if he's up to seeing you at the moment. But when he is you can be a family. You're his father James. He can't stay mad at you forever. This has been very hard on him but Dallas really admires you. It'll take time. But you'll see everythings going to turn out for the best."


	26. The Search

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

It was cold, freezing; Dallas shivered. He gave Bullet a slight tap. He began to canter. The wind rushed by and Dallas hoped he was not to late.

**27 Hours Before**

"_My mother wasn't some two dollar an hour slut, she……."_

_Carol gave a rueful smile. "Of course she wasn't Dallas. Your mother was many, many things but that was not one of them. Annie slept only with two men, just two."_

_James's face blanched and his whole body stiffened."She slept with Frank and the other was somebody whom she loved very, very deeply."_

_Dallas looked over at James. His thoughts mirroring the very pale faced pastor._

_Carol looked over at James. "She never meant to hurt you James. Annie loved you. She wanted what was best for you."_

"_Are you telling me that….."_

_Carol nodded. "Yes Dallas James is your father."_

"_SHIT!"_

_Dallas stood up. "Dallas…."_

"_Leave me the, just leave me alone."_

"_Dallas…" James began._

"_Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I don't care if I ever see you again. I thought Frank was bad but man oh man. I hate you. I hate you no wonder mom left you."_

"_Dally…"_

"_Don't call me that. Don't you call me that. Just leave me the heck alone." Dallas gave a stream of violent curses as he stormed up the stairs_

_He coukd hear them downstairs talking. Dallas felt sick. A million thoughts and just as many emotions, anger, frustration, hurt. They were all there._

" _Dallas, can I come in?" Carol knocked on the door to his bedroom. Dallas clenched his fiungers tightly around his pillow._

"_Get lost."_

"_Dallas, we need to talk about this."_

"_**I SAID GET LOST!"**__ Coyote whined when she heard Dallas yell._

"_Sorry girl." He mumbled._

"_Dallas."_

_Dallas took a deep breath. "I said I don't want to talk about this. What about that can you not understand?"_

_He could hear Carol as she crumpled down to the floor and leaned her back against the door. She sighed. "I should have told you much sooner. Your mother should have told you. Annie was just so afraid of both of you getting hurt. James would never have hurt her but that didn't stop her from being afraid that he would. She didn't want to weigh him done or to feel like she or you were a burden."_

"_So the truth comes out." Dallas didn't even try to hide the bitter sarcasm in his voice. I'm just a burden, huh. Well you don't have to worry about that anymore. As soon as my sentence is up I'm gone. You won't have to deal with me again and James aint got to be nobody's daddy. Too bad ma wasn't so smart. She could have just dumped me off, better yet gone to one of those clinics." He laughed harshly. " There goes the burden."_

_Carol started to cry, her shoulders shaking. "Don't say anything like that. Dallas we all love you. Yoiur mother, she, she"_

"_She's dead. Get on and say it. She's dead and I'm here. I should have died in that ally. Then she could be sitting here with the preacher without some little brat she never wanted in ther first place."_

"_Dallas your mother loved you. You made her life worth living. I never saw her so happy."_

"_Sure"_

**Present**

The visibility was low. Dallas couldhardly see two feet in front of him, And his leg throbbed from the cold. He bit his lips. The injury from the gun shot gave him more trouble the relief. He grunted.

"James, James, James!" The wind howled. He steered Bullet own ward and called again. "James, James,"

**One Hour Ago**

_Dallas had calmed down enough to calmed down enough to come downstairs. There had been another storm that night and he was sick of being cooped up._

_He came into the kitchen to find George and his aunt in heavy discussion .Their faces were grim and serious. Carol looked about to cry. They looked up when Dallas cleared his throat._

_Carol moaned. "Dallas, honey sit down."_

_His aunt had said many things to him but had never called him honey. Either they figured he was still upset about the news he received, and he was, or something was wrong. Dallas leaned towards the latter. _

"_Whats up?"_

"_Dallas the Pastor came by. Nobody has seen James in town. He went to the house to check on him but he wasn't there. The truck was missing and he wasn't anywhere near bye. They think something might have happened to him. And another storm is coming up"_

_Dallas looked up. He wasn't exactly crazy about James at the moment but he liked him well enough and apparently he was his father._

"_They think maybe he had a wreak, got lost in the storm and went off the road. He could be anywhere."_

_Dallas took a deep breath. __**"Oh glory."**__ He thought warily._

**Present**

"Come on Bullet, we have to find him. Dallas wasn't about to have the death of a other person he cared for on his hands. He couldn't save Johnny, he couldn't save his mother. But he had to save James. He couldn't live with the death of his father on his hands among the rest of the things he got into. He just couldn't take that.


	27. The Redemption of Dallas Winston

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Dallas rubbed his hands together as he looked around. It had dropped at least ten deggres since he went out searching for James. He put patted Bullet. "Easy boy. Come on we got ta find him." Bullet started to gallop.

"Whoa boy." Dallas grabbed the reins. 'Easy." His teeth chattered. 'We have gotta find James."

"James. James!" _"Oh lordie not again. If he dies I as good as killed him. Just like ma and Johnny. Oh lordie Dallas stop get all emotional."_ Dallas shook his head. 'Stop being so whiney. You're losing your edge."

"James, James." Dallas sighed again. Maybe he should turn back, Bullet could reeze to death, he could. But James. Dallas ground his teeth. This wasn't the first fight they had had, he remembered bidderly another argument.

_Dallas looked around. He had never been in James's room before. The walls were lined with pictures. James and a old man, James and the old man only younger. There were even more pictures of James and a pretty little girl, ten a beautiful teenager. Dallas shivered. He knew her all to well, his mother._

_There were all sorts of 4-h ribbons and those from rodeos. There were even a few from jockeying. But this was not what grabbed Dallas's attention. There was a half empty gallon on the dresser, a half empty gallon of whiskey. "What a hypocrite." Dallas thought numbly._

"_I see you found my little secret." Dallas swung around. "You…."_

_James sighed. "Yes me."_

_Dallas's fists shook with rage. "You drink that all by yourself or is it what for the animals?" His voice was mocking and sarcastic, more so then James ever had heard from Dallas, almost incriminatingly so._

_James sighed and put his hands through his hair. He stared at Dallas and the bottle, real hard. He didn't even notice the presence of the coyote dog on his bed. He just stared._

"_WELL?"_

_James licked his lips. "Its mine Dallas. I'm not proud of it but its mine."_

"_What are you a hypocrite? You spit all this Jesus loves me stuff, and oh Dallas you should live better, what would your mother say? And here you are a drunk, a no good, lousy…."_

"_Yes a drunk, a voluptuary, a degenerate, an inebriate. Is that want you wanted to say? If I aint got church sometimes I drink myself into a stupor. Nobody's perfect kid."_

"_Says the preacher." When James said nothing Dallas went on. "And you know what I don't care. You can just go on and drink yourself silly. Have an aneurism, a car wreck. I don't care I don't……"_

"_Dallas …." James stepped forward. Dallas heaved angrily._

"_You what, you're sorry. You're only human. I'm sick and tired of your pity. I'm sick and tired of you holding my mother over my head. I'm sick of you acting like you can do any better then me. You sit and drink yourself away for all I care. You're the one with the problem forgetting her, not me. She obviously didn't give a crap about you."_

James had hit him that night and Dallas had wanted to hit him today but he hadn't. he had yelled, he had cussed and he had run out. Now he might never James again. James probably got soused out of his mind and went for a drive.

"_Oh glory. He's dead. Dallas don't lose it." _Dallas shuttered. He had lost it, he had finally lost it.

Taking a deep breath and rubbing his hands together once more Dallas yelled out again. "James, James…." Bullet cantered forward to a dip in a hill and stopped there. "What is it boy?" Dallas looked down and paled. James's truck was down there. It was totaled, a mess. "Oh man." He saw the image of his mother broken and beaten on the pavement, barely recognizable.

Dallas held onto Bullet's reins and led the horse down the steep slope, tripping and stumbling all the way. His leg was on fire and he was about to freeze. His teeth chattered. Bullet gave out a neigh. He nearly tripped himself.

"Easy boy. Come on."

Dallas made his way down to the hill and over to the wreckage tying Bullets reins to a tree. 'I'll be back."

"James, James?" James was still in the car pinned in. And there was blood, a lot of blood. He was all scratched up and his shirt was red. Dallas bent down "James, James, James." There was no response. He could see Johnny, fire all round pinned under the beams. He was screaming, just screaming.

'_Don't die. Don't die."_ He had not been able to save his mother or Johnny. He could not would not lose James too. Dallas felt for a pulse. It was there, faint, but there. James was so cold. Dallas sighed.."

But he wasn't moving. Dallas pulled a knife from his belt and started to get James out. But he was stuck and still bleeding. All of a sudden he stopped breathing.

"_No, not now. Please. Not again." _Dallas was losing all composesher

"James, James." He called shaking the man, teeth shattering. "James, come on this isn't funny. "Dad"

Dallas sat his back against the car. He looked up at the sky. 'Don't take him from me." He yelled crying. He was becoming hysterical, something he never cared to do. "Don't you dare take him from me, not him too."

Dallas shook. "All you do is take. Take, take, take. I get it okay. I deserve this.. I deserve everything you throw at me. But Johnny and ma they aint never done nothing. James he aint done nothing. Don't do this to him. For once have mercy on me. I need him okay. I need him. I'll change just don't take him from me." He yelled.

Dallas leaned his head in his lap running his hands threw his hair. "Stupid, stupid.." He looked at the sky again. "I'm a stupid no good lousy piece of shit and I know it okay. I aint never been no good to nobody. But I'll change. I'll do anything. Just don't take him please. I don't deserve anything from you but please just this once. I won't ever do nothing ta make you mad again."

Dallas heaved. "I'll go to church, I'll clean up my act. Anything you want. Just don't you take him from me please. I was wrong, you're right. Just please, please.."

Dallas heard a moan behind him followed by a grunt. He looked up at the sky in wonder.


	28. The Tears

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Carol paced back in fourth by the phone her arms wrapped around her. "where is he George?" she asked worriedly. George sat in a chair his leg moving up and down.

"Dallas can take care of himself."

"But he isn't used to the landscape. I should have gone after of him. I…"

"Carol take it easy. We can't do anything until daylight anyway."

Carol shivered. "What if he doesn't even find James? What if it's all for nothing, what if we lose them both?"

George sighed. "Carol calm down. You want do any good worry yourself to death."

Carol nodded. She took a deep breath. The phone rang and she jumped up. "Oh!" Carol immediately picked up.

"Is this Caroline Hanson?"

"Yes it is."

"Hello I'm Jane Heartlan and I'm a nurse at county hospital. We have your nephew here, a Dallas Winston. He is your nephew?"

Carol's heart pounded as George gave her a strange look. "Yes he's my nephew."

"We need you to come in as soon as possible."

"Yes of course."

Carol hung up. She had tears in her eyes. George walked over. He cocked his head. "Well Carol?"

"That was County Hospital. They have Dallas there. Oh George what if he got lost and…" George walked over and put a hand on Carol's shoulder.

"Easy Miss Carol. Don't go making a mountain before you've seen the molehill."

Carol gave a sad sort of smile. "I didn't know you had a sense of humur."

George flushed. "I don't mame."

"I've told you not to call me mame anymore."

"Yes mame."

Carol sighed. "I best be heading out then."

'I'll drive you. You are in no condition to be out on these roads."

'Thank you kindly George."

As they headed out George looked at Carol. "What is it?"

"You love that boy, don't you?"

"He's my nephew of course I do."

"You've done a good job with him you know. A few months ago I would have gladly slapped him side the head. All he did was back talk and wait for a fight. Now look at him. He went after James, right after him. I never thought that boy would care about anything or anyone but himself."

Carol just shook her head and grabbed her coat. "He's always cared George, he just never was one to show it."

*****

"Thank you for driving me George." Carol said sadly. She had a lot on her mind. "I don't think I could be alone right now."

"I'm sure Dallas is find. He's a tough kid and kids like that tend to make it."

Carol sighed as she watched snow fall to the ground. "He's not a kid George. He hasn't been a kid since Annie died."

"It had to be hard on him."

Carol nodded blinking back tears. George reached for her hand.

"We were finally getting through. I never should have told him. I never should have told James. Annie was right to ask me to keep it a secret. Now look at what happened. They could both be dead for all we know, dead."

"Carol take it easy. I'm sure everything is fine. You did the right thing. Dallas deserved to know. He and James both had a right to know."

* * * * * *

Carol rushed into the hospital. George at her heels. "I'm here to see Dallas Winston. I'm his aunt."

The nurse at the desk looked at her. "Just a minute." She diled a number.

"This is Stacy. I need a fix on a Dallas Winston."

"- - - - -"

"Yes the family's here."

"- - - - - - - - - -"

'Alright I'll tell them." She hung up.

"Fifth floor waiting room. A doctor will be in with you as soon as he can."

Carol nodded. "Thank you."

"Are you sure you can do this Carol?"

She nodded. "I'll have to try."

" Come on then."

The waiting room was empty and cold. Carol sat herself in a chair by the window and looked outside at the falling snow. She sighed.

"Do you want some coffee?"

She looked up. "No George. I'll be fine."

He sat down. "Thank you, for taking me. You've been a good friend." George flushed and put his hand behind his neck.

"Its just the just the right thing to do."

"You've still been good to me George. Thank you for putting up with all this. I know yloure not to found of Dallas…"

"He can be trying but…"

Carol sighed, her mind all ready elsewhere. "I remember the night he was born."

"You were there at the hospital?"

Carol shook her head. "He wasn't born in the hospital. He was born at my house. Annie came banging on my door in the middle of the night. It was when Frank left her. She went into labor and walked me through the delivery. "

"You delivered him?"

Carol nodded. "He didn't cry at first but when he did he just wouldn't not stop. Then Annie sang to him and walla. He was such a cute baby, so small." She let out a sob.

George got down in front of her. "It's going to be okay."

A doctor walked in. "Family of Dallas Winston."

**This is short and kind of crappy but I tried my best to get an update since this story rarely is. If you want to know more about Dallas's birth read and review Never More Love.**


	29. The Fantasy

**Wow an update. Hey miracles happen. Even so I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**.**

"Family of Dallas Winston?" Carol looked up. George held out his hand and helped her out of the chair.

"I'm his Aunt Carol Hansen."

The doctor shook her hand. "How is he?"

The doctor smiled. "Dallas will be just fine. He is suffering from exestuation, a minor sprain and a minor concussion. He took a fall trying to get a man and his horse up a slope. A rancher found them on the land and notified the authorities. The horse is in good hands and the number of the rancher is at the front desk."

"_He's okay. He's okay."_

"Can we see him?"

"Of course."

"And um how is the man?"

"I can not disclose any information at this time."

"The man James Kingston, he is Dallas's father."

"Your brother in law then?"

Carol shook her head and George put his hand son her shoulders. "He and my sister were never married."

"I see. Does Mr. Kingston have any other relatives I could call?"

Carol shook her head. "His father died a few years back and nobody knows where is mother is. He doesn't have any siblings."

"I see. Very well then."

*** * * * ***

"_Dallas, Dallas wake up." Dallas groaned. "Dallas get out of bed." That voice, it was so familiar but Dallas could not place it._

"_Dallas Kingston!"_

_Kingston? But that was James…._

"_Dallas don't make me come in there."_

_Dallas opened his eyes. He recognized the room. It was the one where James's study, he knew the wallpaper. But it was made out like a bed room. 'What the…"_

"_You better not have been about to cuss Dallas Kingston. You're not so old that I can't wash your mouth out with soap."_

_Dallas looked toward the door and paled. Her face was older then he had known it but unmistakably beautiful. "M…..m….mom?"_

_Annie smiled. "Well I've been called worse."_

_Dallas felt his heart race. "Mom?" he asked again._

_Annie frowned. She walked over and put her hand to his forehead. "You're not warm. Are you okay Dallas? You haven't been out drinking have you?"_

_Dallas shook his head. How hard had he hitten his head any way?_

_Anne made to get up but Dallas grabbed her wrist, she laughed slightly. "What in the world has gotten into you?" _

_Dallas shook his head. "Breakfast is ready. We're all waiting on you?"_

_Who was waiting on him? _

"_Um, okay."_

"'_Well get dressed. The food will get cold."_

"_Yeha, um right."_

_Annie shook her head and walked out of the room. Dallas stood up. He looked around and found a dresser and got some clothes on. He walked out into the kitchen._

_His mom and James were sitting at the table with a little boy who looked very much like him. A black haired girl was sitting in a highchair. Her face was all James._

"**What?"** _Dallas thought. _

"_Bout time you got up. Food was getting cold."_

"_Harrison..." Annie warned. Dallas looked at the boy. _

'_But ma…"_

"_Your brother is a little off this morning." __**"Brother? I aint got a brother."**_

"_He's always been wacko. Now it's just there for the whole world to up and see." That kid had an awful lot of nerve….._

"_Dally, Dally." The little girl said happily._

"_Eat up kiddo. Your old man needs help in the barn." __**"Since when does James joke around?"**_

"_Dallas, Dallas?"_

"Dallas... Dallas..."

Dallas Winston groaned as he opened his eyes. He moaned and closed them again.

"It's Aunt Carol. Are you okay?"

"_It was just a dream."_

"Dallas can you open your eyes for me."

Dallas blinked. Carol smiled and squeezed Dallas roughly. He winced pretty sure he had a broken rib.

"I'm okay. I'm okay. Get off."

Carol relented. "It's good to see you're okay. I was worried. Do you remember anything about what happened?

"_James, James?" James was still in the car pinned in. And there was blood, a lot of blood. He was all scratched up and his shirt was red. Dallas bent down "James, James, James." There was no response. He could see Johnny, fire all round pinned under the beams. He was screaming, just screaming._

'_Don't die. Don't die." He had not been able to save his mother or Johnny. He could not would not lose James too. Dallas felt for a pulse. It was there, faint, but there. James was so cold. Dallas sighed..."_

_But he wasn't moving. Dallas pulled a knife from his belt and started to get James out. But he was stuck and still bleeding. All of a sudden he stopped breathing._

"_No, not now. Please. Not again." Dallas was losing all composer_

"_James, James." He called shaking the man, teeth shattering. "James, come on this isn't funny. "Dad"_

_Dallas sat his back against the car. He looked up at the sky. 'Don't take him from me." He yelled crying. He was becoming hysterical, something he never cared to do. "Don't you dare take him from me, not him too?"_

_Dallas shook. "All you do is take. Take, take, take. I get it okay. I deserve this... I deserve everything you throw at me. But Johnny and ma they aint never done nothing. James he aint done nothing. Don't do this to him. For once have mercy on me. I need him okay. I need him. I'll change just don't take him from me." He yelled._

_Dallas leaned his head in his lap running his hands threw his hair. "Stupid, stupid..." He looked at the sky again. "I'm a stupid no good lousy piece of shit and I know it okay. I aint never been no good to nobody. But I'll change. I'll do anything. Just don't take him please. I don't deserve anything from you but please just this once. I won't ever do nothing ta make you mad again."_

_Dallas heaved. "I'll go to church; I'll clean up my act. Anything you want. Just don't you take him from me please? I was wrong, you're right. Just please, please..."_

_Dallas heard a moan behind him followed by a grunt. He looked up at the sky in wonder._

"Yeha. "

"James is going to be okay, thanks to you."

"Oh." _"Thank you thank God. Thank you."_

"You will be too."

"I could have told you that." _I'll change. I'll do anything._

"I mean I'm glad."

Carol raised an eyebrow looking very much like his mother had in the dream. _"Get a grip Dallas."_

"Are you sure you're okay?"

'Yeha. I'm fine." _"Never better."_


	30. The Lies that Bind

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**the Outsiders **_**or So Weird**

**History clouds what i remember  
The one i wanted her to be  
Mystery shrouds her like an island  
But it's an island in a lonely sea………..**

James Kingston stared at the ceiling. His eyes watered and burned. He could not get his mind off the day's events. Dallas was his son, his and Annie's son. He didn't know what felt worse the thought all these years that Annie had cheated on him or the thought that she had lied to him. _"She was never yours to begin with James._" And it was true. The night Dallas was conceived had just sort of happened.

It was prom and James wasn't going to go but Annie begged him. She was sick and tired of all the guys around asking her so she begged James to be her date so they'd leave her be. James sighed. That decision had been the best and worst decision in his life.

Anne had been…. James had never seen her so dressed up. She was the picture of femanimaty something that was a rarity for a tomboy like her. Her dress, gown, was a pale blue, her dark hair was curled and pulled up in a loose bun. She wore light makeup. Annie was always beautiful but that night she was stunning.

James could still recall her scent as he held her close on the dance floor. She smelt of roses and fresh hay. It was an odd combination but it suited her. If James closed his eyes even today he could feel her warm body against his, her skin soft though her hands were callused. He could hear her laugh as he whispered something silly in her ear.

They didn't go home that night. Instead they went to their place. He hadn't been able to bring himself to go there since he heard of her death…. James felt tears sting his eyes. He had almost gone there tonight, almost…

He shook his head. He tried to picture Annie's face illuminated in the moonlight.

**Your breath is still on my lips****  
Your touch is on my fingertips Your tears are still on my cheek  
Your voice still makes me weak…………..**

_Annie laid her head on his chest. She sighed. "James?"_

"_Hmmm?"_

"_Why are you so quiet."_

"_About?"_

"_You?"_

_Annie laughed and rolled over. She propped her head up on her fists. _

"_Carol is going to brain you for ruining that dress."_

_Annie laughed. "I don't care. Besides you didn't answer my question."_

_James gulped. "You look pretty tonight, like a girl…"_

_She kicked him. "Last time I checked that was what I was."_

"_I mean…" Annie stopped him. She put a finger to his lips and she kissed him. She kissed him long and hard. And then their lives changed forever….._

It should not have been that way. That night, it was, it was wonderful. When Annie had woken up next to him in the morning… James wished he could have woken up that way for the past eighteen years.

Had it really been that long? Some days it seemed longer.

**Where did you go?  
Why did you lie?  
Why did you leave without saying goodbye?**

"We could have been happy." He whispered. "I'd never do anything to hurt you Annie. You were my best friend. I loved you…"

"_Jamie are you okay?"_

_James shook his head. "Daddy's been crying. He said mommy's not coming back."_

_Annie folded her arms and huffed. She was mad. "I hate her."_

"_She's still my mama."_

"_She left you Jamie, moms don't do that. She's mean."_

_James sniffled. Annie's face softened and she pulled James to her. "It's okay Jamie. I don't got a mama either but I got Carol. We can share kay?"_

_James shrugged. "It's not the same."_

_Annie tried to smile. "I know." They were silent for a moment. Annie sighed and then smiled. She took a hairpin from her hair. _

"_Here Jamie poke yourself with this."_

"_What?"_

"_Poke yourself with this. Then I will too. We can be blood brothers. I promise Jamie, I'll take care of you okay?"_

_James nodded silently. "Promise."_

"_I won't let nobody hurt you ever again."_

"_Are you sure."_

_Annie nodded. "I'll always be here."_

James traced the scar on his palm. They had been no more then five or six then. He sighed. "Where are you now Annie." Tears fell down and he screamed. "You promised….!"

* ** * * *

To say that Dallas Winston wanted to punch something or someone was to be stating the obvious. He was angry, he was scared, and he was depressed. For someone who had tried so long not feel anything Dallas was feeling a wealth of emotions.

He'd tried for years to build up a wall around himself. You get tough and you don't get hurt. You get tough and nothing can touch you, nobody can hurt you.

**Can I be more like a river  
And less like a wall  
Not try to hold back  
These feelings at all  
****I gotta let that flow  
More like a river……**

And in less then a year those walls had come tumbling down. First Johnny and then now this place. It did things to him. The memories, they were raw painful. Dallas wanted more than anything to build those walls up again but he didn't know how.

"Why did you have to lie to me mom, why?"

Dallas closed his eyes. He'd never admit it to anyone but there was apart of him that wanted those walls to stay down. That dream… it had been nice. He remembered the Curtis's, all feeling, all emotion. They were hurt, but happy enough.

Then there was the other half of himself that said to put those walls back up. Just as the world seemed to be moving to save Dallas from himself he was more lost then ever.

_His mother picked him up to let him pet their horse Bullet. "Pretty Pony." he giggled._

_She smiled broadly at him and gave him a hug._

_"Yes, he is Dally."_

_"Mommy is pretty too."_

_"I agree." Annie sat imr son down and turned around. James stood at the doorway to the barn._

_"Hello James." Annie's voice came out softly._

_"Hello yourself. Is this your son?"_

_"Yes," She picked him up, "This is Dallas Winston. I call him Dally."_

_James walked up and put out a hand to the boy. "Well hello Dally. I'm James."_

_Dally gave the man's hand a squeeze. "Hi." he said happily. "I'm a bib boy."_

_"You are? How old are you Dally?" James asked sweetly._

_"He'll be three in November." Annie replied curtly._

_"You are a big boy." James said. He looked at Annie. "He's a good kid Annie."_

_"Thank-you James. How have you been?"_

_"Good. I started at the seminary. I like it, what about you."_

_"You know me, I'm like the wind. I do a few rodeos here and there, waitress some."_

_"Are you sure you're okay? I heard about the cowboy." Cowboy came out like venom in his mouth,_

_"Dallas and I are doing fine on our own. We don't need Frank"_

_"Are you sure? If you need anything I can help. I'd be a good dad you know. Dallas looks more like me then him."_

_"He's not yours though James. Dally and I are doing just fine on our own. Find you a nice little girl that will make a good minister's wife. No congregation is going to accept me for the job."_

_"But what if I want you?" James asked stepping forward._

_Annie's face softened. "Well Eve wanted that apple but it didn't turn out so good did it James?"_

_"You're no apple Annie."_

_Annie laughed. "James you deserve better. I'll just way you down. You know I have itchy feet. I'll end up breaking your heart. I couldn't stand it if I did that to you."_

_James nodded, tears flowing, and walked away. "You already are." he whispered._

_Dallas looked at his mother. Tears came from her own eyes. "Are you okay Mommy?"_

_Annie looked at her son and hugged him tight. "I'm fine Dally."_

_"Then why you cwying? Awe you hurt? I can get Auntie Carol. She makes it betterer."_

_"It's nothing anybody can fix baby."_

_"How come."_

_Annie smiled. "That's just the way things are. Tell you what though. I think a kiss would make me feel better."_

_With that she kissed her son's cheeks. Then she began to tickle him. He laughed and laughed._

Dallas clinched his fist. "Why mom, why. You selfish slut. Why mom, why…"

**The song lyrics in bold come from the late great TV series **_**So Weird**_**. The songs are preformed by Mackenzie Phillips.**


	31. The Session

**Disclaimer- I do not own _The Outsiders_**

**_"This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started." ~J.D. Salinger, __The Catcher in the Rye_**

Doctor Samuel Bruner had never been much of a follower of Freud. He bought into the fact that the past was the key to many thoughts and behaviors but that was far as he usually went. Having treated Dallas Winston, however the man was having second thoughts. That boy had to be the most anal explosive person he had ever met. The boy was far to obstinate, too angry for any behavioral changes to take place. As for his thoughts, Dallas was a hard character to read and his thoughts patterns were hardly discernable. It was best to trod carefully with Dallas, very carefully.

When he first started treating the boy Dallas was as stubborn as any mule the doctor had come across. Angry and bitter, Dallas was not open to change. And then he'd hit his breaking point.

**Flash**

_"Dallas, Dallas."_

_Dallas shook his head. "Huh, oh it's you." Doctor Bruner was looking at him._

_"What were you thinking about?" Dallas said nothing as usual. "Dallas I've been over this a thousand times. If you don't tell me I can't begin to help you. You don't want to spend the rest of your life in and out of prison do you?"_

_You could have hears a pin drop it was so quiet. Dallas folded his arms and looked to the side. He mumbled something under his breath._

_"I'm sorry what was that?"_

_"I said no okay, no. You know N-O it usually means that you do not want something."_

_Dr. Bruner laughed. "So you do talk. I'm glad. Now tell me Dallas what were you thinking about?"_

_"My mother okay, you happy now?" Dallas fumed. "I was thinking about my mother."_

_"You were only eight when she died, am I correct?"_

_"Yes."_

_"It must have been hard on you. She was your primary caretaker according to your file, for quiet sometime. You must have been very close."_

_Dallas clenched his teeth._

_Dallas?"_

_"What?"_

_"Do you ever miss your mother?"_

_Dallas looked away?"_

_"Are you ever angry at her for leaving you?"_

_Dallas scowled. "She didn't leave me," he mumbled." She was stolen."_

_"Excuse me."_

_"I said she was taken from me and I'm not angry with her. I'm angry with…" Dallas paused. It seemed that he had a little slip._

_"With who Dallas?"_

_"I'm angry at those thugs who took her, but you no what?"_

_"What Dallas."_

_"I'm the one who did it."_

_Dr Bruner was a little dismayed. He hoped the boy did not honestly believe this."Dallas surely your not implying you killed her."_

_"Might as well have. I couldn't save her. I should have been with her."_

_"Dallas, there was nothing you could have done. You were only eight. You would be dead to"_

_Dallas closed his eyes and Samuel would have given anything to know what was going through the boy's mind. "Maybe I should have died."_

_Never in his career had the man been more shocked and dismayed. He knew Dallas was troubled and that he had before attempted to task his own life but… this. He truly wished he was dead. For the first time Dallas had endeared himself to the man. Samuel found himself genuinely concerned for the delinquent. _

_Dallas what would your mother say?"_

_"Nothing, she's dead remember?"_

_"I'm sure she would not want the same for you."_

_Dallas shrugged. "Dallas I would like to try something with you."_

_"What."_

_"I want to hypnotize you."_

_"I aint no circus act."_

_"I know that but it might bring up some repressed memories. Bring closure."_

_"Fine."_

But the hypnotism had not gone as planned, not at all. It was one of the many examples of the difficulties Samuel faced in treating his patients.

**Flash**

_Dallas was hypnotized, his eyes in a daze. His subconscious, usually buried deep had taken over_

_"Dallas do you remember the day your mother died?"_

_'Yes." His voice was dreamy, far off._

_"Tell me about it."_

_"I was playing with some of the neighbor hood guys. We were out on the basketball court. There were screams, a woman's screams. We thought nothing of it, you know muggings happened everyday no need to get ourselves mixed up. The screams didn't stop, they wouldn't stop. But we kept going._

_I was walking home with my buddy Roy later. We went to the ally where the screams were. Maybe the thugs had left something. Roy gulps and I look where he's looking. There was so much blood. She's moaning. I yell at Roy to go get help. I walk closer. There was blood, so much blood, so much blood." Dallas breathed heavily almost hyperventilating. The lady was real beat up. Her face was smashed in and she was hardly breathing. I looked closer. It was ma." Dallas started sobbing. He coughed heavily still feeling side effects from the pneumonia._

_Samuel felt sick, no wonder Dallas Winston was so messed up. This had all started long before the incident at Windrexvill._

_His shoulder's shook and he wailed "Ma, ma I'm so sorry, ma."_

_"Dallas, Dallas when I snap my fingers you are going to come out of your hypnotized state. You will remember all of this. One two three." __**SNAP!**_

_Dallas lifted his head startled still crying. His shoulders shook and his fist clinched. "I should have ran when I heard the screams. I should have stopped it. She was in so much pain. I could have stopped it I should have…."_

_Dr Bruner frowned. He had never seen the eighteen year old act this way. It was shocking and sad. "Dallas what could you have done, you were eight?"_

_Dallas growled and clenched his teeth. When he said nothing else the doctor gazed at him and began to speak once more. "Surely you do know this. You would have died too."_

_Dallas said nothing. He just grabbed his crutches and headed out the door slamming it behind him._

But the emotional breakdown had led to a breakthrough. Dallas formed a relationship with that man; Samuel knew him or rather knew of him, James Kingston. According to accounts from his probation officer and from his aunt, the boy was doing better. He was behaving, opening up. But of course, as with many of those suffering psychological trauma Dallas had gone one step forward only to fall two steps back.

At first it seemed there really had been a breakthrough but then, as he was sure the boy would say the shit hit the fan and the obstinate and angry creature that Doctor Bruner had tried so hard to subdue returned. It was the boys Aunt who offered an explanation and her concern. And this was why the session today was so important.

Dallas Winston keened back in his chair, feet on the psychiatrist's desk. He closed his eyes chewing on a toothpick, and ignoring whatever the man was trying to say. What did he know anyway?

"It must be awkward for you, finding out he was your father…" based on the cowl on the eighteen year old's face, Bruner knew he had hit a nerve.

Dallas said nothing. Had Dallas Winston any more gumption left with in him he might have very well stroke the doctor, with no regret. He did not want to talk about James. He did now want to think about James. And it was none of anybody else's business anyways. If the jerk-wad knew what was good for him he would just shut up and leave well enough alone.

Dr. Bruner sighed. Per usual, as of late, they were getting nowhere. It was lucky enough for Dallas that he the breaking of curfew had not hindered his probation. If the boy continued on his path the psychiatrist was afraid the boy might wind up in prison once more, the last thing he needed. Or, and this situation truly frightened the man, Dallas might keep everything inside and burst once more. Dr. Bruner feared this time; the suicide attempt would be successful.

**Sorry I have not written anything in awhile but I hope this chapter is a good one and you all enjoyed it. **


	32. The Hill

_**Disclaimer- I do not own **__**The Outsiders**_

_**"On that day, you taught me that solitude is painful! I understand that so well right now. I have family, and I have friends but if you're gone... To me... It will be the same as being alone."- **_**Masashi Kishimoto**

The hillside was quiet, peaceful blanketed in lush green grass. The wind swept over it in a gentle embrace. Animals wondered its side without fear. The clouds hovered above guarding such a small piece of heaven. It was their place, his and Annie's.

James lay down and closed his eyes. He could almost see the two of them, so young, so care free. He could hear the music of her laughter, so sweet. _"Come on Jamie, your too slow."_ If he strained James could almost feel her tiny hands pulling him along, her bright eyes, smiling. If he strained further he could recall just the way the dimples in her cheek curled into a grin as she lay beside him just watching the clouds. She used to call him stupid for not seeing the same things she was seeing. _"Are you blind Jaime, that's not a rabbit, it's a dog silly." _

His Annie was the most stubborn, obstinate, pig headed girl….; no woman, he had ever met. He wouldn't have had it any other way, and their son was so much like her. Their son….

James chest contorted and a wet tear slid down his cheek. They had a son, he and Annie had a son and he had never known.

_"You know me, I'm like the wind. I do a few rodeos here and there, waitress some."_

_"Are you sure you're okay? I heard about the cowboy." Cowboy came out like venom in his mouth,_

_"Dallas and I are doing fine on our own. We don't need Frank"_

_"Are you sure? If you need anything I can help. I'd be a good dad you know. Dallas looks more like me then him."_

_"He's not yours though James. Dally and I are doing just fine on our own. Find you a nice little girl that will make a good minister's wife. No congregation is going to accept me for the job."_

_"But what if I want you?" James asked stepping forward._

_Annie's face softened. "Well Eve wanted that apple but it didn't turn out so good did it James?"_

_"You're no apple Annie."_

_Annie laughed. "James you deserve better. I'll just way you down. You know I have itchy feet. I'll end up breaking your heart. I couldn't stand it if I did that to you."_

_James nodded, tears flowing, and walked away. "You already are." he whispered._

"Oh Annie…" James bit his lip. He'd give anything to have been there for her and Dallas. Why couldn't she have seen? There would have been nothing for him then to wake up each morning and go to bed each night greeted by her face, by the warmth of her body by his side. There would have nothing better than to watch their son turn from a mischievous little boy into a man was so proud of.

But he was proud, proud to be Dallas's father. His son was stubborn, quick tempered, ready for a fight. But he was also loyal, strong, and protective. He was a good man, man that if he were to have his way, would never talk to James again.

"_You deserve that much, James. You should have known. How could you not have figured it out, you knew Annie better than anyone…" _James sighed. "I thought I did."

The wind blew softly caressing his cheek. James only wept harder. "Why, why do you insist on taking away everything I hope to care about oh Lord? I've tried.. I've tried so hard to be good. Why do leave me alone like this, Why God, **WHY!" **

"_Jamie are you okay?"_

_James shook his head. "Daddy's been crying. He said mommy's not coming back."_

_Annie folded her arms and huffed. She was mad. "I hate her."_

"_She's still my mama."_

"_She left you Jamie, moms don't do that. She's mean."_

_James sniffled. Annie's face softened and she pulled James to her. "It's okay Jamie. I don't got a mama either but I got Carol. We can share kay?"_

_James shrugged. "It's not the same."_

_Annie tried to smile. "I know." _

"IF YOU KNOW THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE ANNIE? WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM FROM ME, WHY DID YOU LIE?"

James sat up and held in his head in his hands. Why, why, why? He'd never felt so alone. He found his son, only to lose him. He was so very alone. Dallas would never speak to him again, if the past months had been any sign. And though he had the respect of the town, of the animals on the mountain. Though he had the friendship of so many, he had never known such bitter loneliness.

"_She doesn't love me, she never did! How could she, how could mom do that?I hate her, I hate her!"_

_His father wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He brought his son into a warm and gentle hug. "Don't you ever say that again."_

_James clinched his tiny fists. "But, I do, I do hate her."_

_He could feel his father's chest rise and a fall with a sigh. "I really hope that's not true son, because I know that she still loves you."_

_James huffed and his father held him tighter. "You don't have to believe me if you don't want to son, but I know it's true." _

James heard footsteps and the plopping of another body beside him. "I thought I'd find you here. You and Annie always came here to talk when you were upset. She loved this place more then any other on Earth."

He opened his eyes. "Hello Carol."

Carol smiled. "Hello James. How have you been?"

"_How had he been, how had he been? How could she even ask that? She'd known all this time and yet… she'd lied to him. How had he been?"_

Carol cleared her throat not waiting for a response. "I've not seen you at Church or the barn." She laughed nervously. "I do believe that's the longest I've ever gone without seeing your face James Kingston. "

Once again James said nothing. He turn his face down toward the ground only to have Carol grab his chin and move it to meet her eye to eye. "This isn't healthy James, for you or Dallas. He still needs his father."

James pulled back and moved to his feet, about to walk away. "Tell that to Annie."

"She never meant to hurt you James. Annie would never have done anything to hurt you or Dallas. She was only human James"

Carol paused. "But, I suppose we're weird like that, we humans. Th. We humans have a habit of hurting the one's we love most. We mean well but in the end all we do is more harm than good. Annie was only trying to give you what she thought you deserved. She never felt like she deserved you James. Not once in her life did she feel worthy of having you as a friend."

James turned to face Carol. "Funny," he laughed bitterly, "and I always thought I was the unworthy one…."

**Wow has it really been like 7 months since I've updated, Yeesh. Well thank you to my reviewers and sorry to leave you with a cliff hanger. **


	33. The Reconciliation

Disclaimer- I do not own _The__Outsiders_

Proverbs 17:27  
_A man of knowledge uses words with restraint,  
and a man of understanding is even-tempered._

Dallas Winston would not admit to a lot of things. He would never admit to crying and he would sooner die than admit there was the smallest possibility that there was nothing that scared him more than losing the people he cared about. But he was afraid, very afraid, so afraid that he rather push everyone away from him than get close to someone. But he had made that mistake time and time again. He let himself start to get to know someone, to care for them, maybe even love them. And then, almost every single time, the bottom dropped out. Somebody got hurt and it was never him.

First his mother and then Johnny, James had almost been next. He should have learned long ago to take his own advice, get tuff; get tuff and nothing could touch him. And yet, there was a nagging voice in the back of his head that argued to the contrary. They were in constant battle with each other, like a rumble gone wrong and it drove Dallas nuts.

He threw a rubber bouncy ball at the wall, catching it and throwing it back again; back and forth, back and forth; grinding his teeth all the while. He had not bothered to take Bullet out in weeks, what was the point? He had nearly killed the horse and he found no joy in riding anymore anyway, too many thoughts and memories in the act. He used to rise to work out tension, to race the horses and let off steam without landing in jail. Now, to be honest; he could care less if it went either way.

Downstairs Carol sipped on her cup of coffee, starring up at the ceiling as the sound of banging on the wall increased. She closed her eyes. George walked in and kicked off his boots. He pulled up a wooden chair and sat down, sprawl legged across from her. "You gonna do something about this? Between the kid and James I don't know who is worse."

Carol sat her mug down with a clink. She licked her lips. "I talked to James earlier. I'd have to say as of right now; I couldn't say which of them is worse. James feels betrayed and thinks he isn't worthy of Annie or Dallas."

"And Dallas," George asked, "what do you think about him? Just when we thought we were getting through to the kid…"

Carol shook her head. "I told you when he first got here. Dallas is stubborn. Once he's got his mind set, it's pretty much made and now he's got his mind set that he isn't letting anyone get close to him, just like before. He's been hurt before and it almost happened again. He'd rather not care about anyone or anything than have to break down that wall again."

"Sounds like two sides of the same coin."

Carol smiled wearily, "like father like son."

There was a knock on the door. Carol sighed and looked toward the living area. George rose to his feet. "I'll get it." He said.

He walked toward the living room and opened the door. "James?" James Kingston stood before him with disheveled hair and leaves of grass on his button down, checkered shirt.

"Hello George, mind if I come in?" George nodded.

"Yeha, of course, come on in. Carol's in the kitchen."

James dipped his head and stepped into the living room and walked toward the kitchen. "Thank you George."

Carol looked up from her coffee. When she saw James she smiled. "So you've finally decided to come around. It's about time James. "

James put his hand behind his head and laughed sheepishly. "I guess you could say that." He dropped the hand and his face grew serious. "Is Dallas here?"

"He's upstairs in his room, doesn't come out much. Takes after someone else I know."

James sighed. "Think he'll mind if I go up and talk to him.

"You ought to know better than to go in a wolf's den." George said. "He's got Coyote in there with him and I couldn't tell you which of them is the more ornery creature."

Carol shook her head. "Go on ahead James, maybe you can talk some sense into him. I sure can't and lord knows he won't listen to anyone else."

James nodded and looked toward the stairs. Sighing he made his way, up step by step until he had reached the top and walked to Dallas door. He held out his fist to knock on the door but paused momentarily. He held his hand in place, wondering if this was such a great idea.

_"This isn't healthy James, for you or Dallas. He still needs his father….We humans have a habit of hurting the one's we love most. We mean well but in the end all we do is more harm than good."_

James closed his eyes. He might as well get this over with. So he licked his lips and he brought his knuckle back, and banged on the door.

The sound of a ball hitting the wall hit his ears, followed by Coyote's yapping. "I said I'm not coming down; now leave me the hell alone."

James ground his teeth. _"You have to be firm with him. If you can't teach that dog while he's young he'll never learn."_ He recalled his father's words regarding a pup they had that used to bite and jump on everyone insight, including the other animals. He shook his head. Dallas was not a dog, but the same wisdom was there. "Dallas Winston, you know better than to talk like that."

Boom, the ball crashed against the door. "I'll talk however I want you old bastard. Now get the fuck out of here."

James bit his lip. Dallas was most certainly his mother's son, but even Annie did not have a mouth like that, and he was not about to let his son talk to him like that. "Now, you know better than you talk like that. That is now way to talk."

"Ya preacher man, what you gonna do about it, smite me to death."

"No, but you aint so old that I can't smack you."

"Too late for that or were you to drunk off your ass to remember."

James flushed.

_"You what, you're sorry. You're only human. I'm sick and tired of your pity. I'm sick and tired of you holding my mother over my head. I'm sick of you acting like you can do any better than me. You sit and drink yourself away for all I care. You're the one with the problem forgetting her, not me. She obviously didn't give a crap about you." James didn't know what came over him but he suddenly felt very angry. He reared back his fist and thrust it forward into Dallas's jaw, Dallas unable to see this coming fell back wards into the bed, his bad leg falling from under him._

James had never hit anyone before; he was anything but a violent man. It was one of his many regrets. "I remember." He said softly," let me in Dallas. I just want to talk. If you never want to see me again after that fine, if you want to beat me to a pulp, even better. "

Coyote stopped yapping and a few moments later, the door opened. Dallas appeared. There were bags under his pale blue eyes and stubble against his cheeks. James sighed. "Mind if I come in, sit on the bed." He gave a weak smile. "These bones are old you know."

A brief smirk passed Dallas's face before it quickly grew passive once more. 'Yeha, whatever old man."

So James sat down and he patted the bed beside him. "Come on Dallas, we might as well get this over with."

"Whatever." Dallas sat down.

"Your aunt thought I might talk some sense into you."

Dallas rolled his eyes. 'Felling fatherly all of a sudden."

"_Yes,"_ James thought. He shrugged. "Not really, just thought I'd come as a friend."

Dallas folded his arms and tried to look cool and tuff. "Who says I want either?"

James looked up at the ceiling and a moment of silence passed between them. Finally, he spoke. "I don't know, maybe you don't." He looked to Coyote, "_I_ miss your help at the shelter, not much a man can do on his own."

"I wouldn't know." Dallas said," always thought you needed a woman. For that."

James ground his teeth. "Dallas keep that mouth of your clean or keep your trap shut. I was just saying a body can't take care of those animals by myself, I haven't got your mother's touch."

Dallas opened his mouth to speak but James held out his hand, his face contorting red in anger. "I won't have you saying anything like that about your mother."

"Don't see why not, she was just a two dollar an hour whore."

SMACK James's hand fell, against Dallas's cheek in a flash, lifting up leaving a red imprint in its place. He stared at his hand in shock. Dallas ground his teeth and leapt at him, pushing James off the bed and onto the floor. He hit James in the chest and pounded and pounded. James rolled over and soon they were tousling on the floor, Dallas hitting at him and hitting at him, breathing heavily and shouting curses. Finally James grew still and let Dallas continue to hit him.

The door swung open and George rushed in, Pulling Dallas off James. Dallas panted heavily and fought against him but George forced his hands behind his back. Dallas swore a blue streak before James was able to get to his knees. He sighed. "I probably deserved that you know."

He rose to his feet and wiped the blood from his mouth. "Better, Dallas?"

Dallas scowled and pulled away from George. "Yeha," Dallas shook out his arm and nodded. "Better."

"Then come on, let's take a walk."

'Whatever," Dallas answered, but he followed James out the door.

The hillside was quiet and the sun was soon to set. Dallas looked all about him. "What's with this place, old man? What do you want?"

James sat down on the grass and patted the ground beside him. "Like I said before, I just want to talk. Now have a seat. If you want to beat me up again when we're done, you're welcome to it."

Dallas rolled his eyes and muttered something indistinguishable under his breath, but he complied and took a seat. 'Okay, out with it, what did you want to say?"

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him." James said.

Dallas rolled his eyes. "Do you have to go on with that bible gibberish?"

James smiled and shrugged. "I'm a preacher, it's what a do, besides you didn't let me finish." He shook his head. "My dad used to sign that verse on every birthday and Christmas card I ever got. Psalm Chapter**127:3,****I****understand****why****he****did****that****now.****"**** He****said.**

"Your point is?"** Dallas****asked.**

"This was your mother's place, hers and mine. We must have spent hours playing here as kids. Sometimes we'd just sit here and watch the sunset. She loved it more than any other place in the world. I miss her so much; having you here has been like having a piece of her back again, you're so much alike. And then to learn you were my son, I was so angry at first, hurt. She lied to me, left me alone, took you away. And then I started to think about how happy I should be to have you here with me now. "

Dallas smirked. "Whatever, sap."

"Let me finish, please." James said. Dallas nodded. James sighed. "I'm your father and you're my son. I can understand if you never want to think of it that way but that's what it is. Your mom thought she was doing what was best and maybe at the time it was; I don't know. The point is Dallas, I want to be a part of your life and I hope you want to be a part of mine. You've been hurt and I know you I've been no help but if you'll have me I'd like to be there for you"

Dallas huffed. "What a sap." He crossed his arms as the voices in his head, once again began their war with each other and sighed.

_Dallas sat his back against the car. He looked up at the sky. 'Don't take him from me." He yelled crying. He was becoming hysterical, something he never cared to do. "Don't you dare take him from me, not him too."_

_Dallas shook. "All you do is take. Take, take, take. I get it okay. I deserve this.. I deserve everything you throw at me. But Johnny and ma they aint never done nothing. James he aint done nothing. Don't do this to him. For once have mercy on me. I need him okay. I need him. I'll change just don't take him from me." He yelled._

_Dallas leaned his head in his lap running his hands threw his hair. "Stupid, stupid.." He looked at the sky again. "I'm a stupid no good lousy piece of shit and I know it okay. I aint never been no good to nobody. But I'll change. I'll do anything. Just don't take him please. I don't deserve anything from you but please just this once. I won't ever do nothing ta make you mad again."_

_Dallas heaved. "I'll go to church, I'll clean up my act. Anything you want. Just don't you take him from me please. I was wrong, you're right. Just please, please.."_

He bit his lip and looked at the sky. Orange and pink mixed with purple against the fading blue. The sun was setting. He had never really seen a sunset before, there were sort of nice. "You said ma, liked these."

"Mm?" James looked up and the sky and then back to Dallas. "The sunset, ya she loved them. Never would admit it to anyone but me though. She'd deny it if you asked, said it made her look like a sissy, but she really did love them. Told me once she couldn't think of a sight she loved more."

Dallas was quiet for a moment. He fiddled with the blade of grass and looked up at the sky once more. He licked his lips.

_I'll go to church, I'll clean up my act. Anything you want. Just don't you take him from me please. I was wrong, you're right. Just please, please.."_

"Alright," Dallas said.

"What?" James asked.

"I said alright, I'll give it a shot."

James smiled and a tear fell down his cheek. "That's all I ask." He looked up at the sky as the colors faded to black and stars filled the sky. "That's all I ask."

**I apologize for not updating in so long. This semester has been really hectic and between paper after paper, loads of quizzes and homework and my first nanorimo; I just have not had time or energy to write. A Creative Writing degree is not as easy to earn as some people might think. **

**This story has a chapter or two to go, how many or how few I do not know. It's been a blast to write and I hope you all have enjoyed it as much as I have. I would like to thank my wonderful reviewers for your love and support. God bless you and your family this holiday season and all the year round. **


	34. The Picnic Ride

**Disclaimer-I do not own **_**The Outsiders **_

It was September now; the leaves were turning golden brown and red. The green was fading in the days are growing colder. Although Dallas his relationship with his father was getting better, he was still uneasy. In a few short weeks, it would be the anniversary of Johnny's staff. One year, one year since Johnny had died. It did not seem possible and Dallas would have rather pretended that Johnny was still alive somewhere, it would make things easier. Then he would have to face failures, his failure to save Johnny from a fire, his failure to protect Johnny from socs I just had to him. Johnny had deserved so much more than that, and Dallas could not help but feel the urge to protect him. But Dallas had failed and there is nothing he could do to change that.

Dallas had finally gotten around to allowing himself to write up on Bullet once again. There was something freeing about writing his mother's horse something that made him forget his troubles. Looking back on it, riding always had been that way for Dallas. It was probably the only reason why he did not cheat when writing the slash J back in Tulsa. The horse deserved better than and decides Dallas like horses better than people anyways.

Dallas was in the barn gathering of silence back and getting Bullet ready for a ride. He fed his horses sugar cube in order to make them more compliant Bullet had been really ornery as of late. He looked up when he heard footsteps in the corner. James is coming in leading hardtack. "He smiled at Dallas and tipped his hat. Long time no see kiddo, you mind going for a ride of your old man?" James asked.

Dallas patted Bullet's head and ignored his father's comment. Although they were getting along better these days, he hated when James try to get buddy buddy with them or try to crack a joke. Dallas wasn't really in the mood for such things and in any other state it would have been no different. But he did not argue or raise a fuss he just shrugged and said "whatever you won't old man. I don't care, what she one do on your horse is your prerogative." But James knew, that Dallas is pretty much saying yes. Whether or not Dallas wanted to go on a ride with him, James was pleased.

"Well then, let's get a move on. I got a big lunch with me, we can go have it around the hill. How does that sound?" James asked. Dallas just shrugged and mumbled a quick whatever for mounting his horse. He really cared either way. He just wanted to go for a ride. He wanted to clear his head, and get away from anything that might remind him of Johnny.

James mounted his horse and patted its head, "okay then, let's get going." They rode off about 5 miles west until they got to the hill, James and Annie's hill. James hopped off his horse and retrieved a picnic blanket from the Saddleback. He laid it on the ground and pulled out a small knapsack with sandwiches and chips. He patted the ground beside him and motioned for Dallas to come over. Dallas dismounted Bullet and patted the horse's head as well. He pulled out another sugar cube from his pocket before sitting down on the ground beside James and fed it to his horse.

James passed Dallas a chicken salad sandwich and some chips. He put on a wire canteen from his jacket offer Dallas some drink. Dallas looked at it and back to. James he did a swig. It wasn't water, but some kind of sweet tea. He was simply glad that it was not whiskey. It meant that James was willing to do at least that much for him.

James looked at the Dallas and yawned. He took a bite of sandwich and closed his eyes. "We did us all the time me and your mom. It was her favorite thing to do or she can cook worth nothing you know. Anytime we had a picnic your aunt Carol had to cooked the food, I think we would've starved if it wasn't for her."

Dallas simply shrugged, although he did kind of like hearing about his mom. He could care less about what kind of food. James had with her long ago. He simply wasn't in the mood, he wasn't in the mood for barbecue sandwich stories are baloney for that matter. And in truth, he was kinda glad the sandwiches are simply made of chicken salad and not something else. It was funny how even the smallest things to remind him of the past year's events and bring whatever good mood. He might've had down. It seemed nothing did anything but remind him of Johnny . These days, and I left him in a really foul mood.

"Something's bothering you isn't it Dallas"? James asked. "You're not yourself, and you haven't tried to beat me up all day, so what is it?" For a little while Dallas has been calm and even held his temper pretty well but these days it seems of anything that could set him off. The past few weeks, though he and James been doing really well my relationship with the past few days thousand and is ornery as a wolf with a toothache.

"I'm fine, leave it alone, I'm fine." James not press Dallas he knew better than to mess with a wild animal when it was at its worst. He made sure to make a mental note her mind himself asked Carol about it when they got home. If anyone would know she would, Carol always even know what was going on in her own house, even before anyone else did.

When he was sure Dallas was in the barn putting away his tax James walked to the house and knocked on the door. Sara came and answers caring a cup of coffee in her hand. "What is a James, is everything all right? Did you went out in a fight again?" James shook his head.

"No, no nothing like that. Dallas is fine, well actually…."

"What is it James? What's the matter?" Carol asked.

James motioned his head toward the house and asked if they could speak inside, about Dallas. He knew nothing would make Dallas angrier than having people talk about them behind his back. And the last thing he knew he needed right now, was for Dallas to be mad at him. Dallas looked ready to blow.

They sat down at the kitchen table and Carol warned him up a glass of hot cider. "So what is it James? What's the matter?" James licked his lip and tapped his hands on the table.

"Dallas is been ornery lately, any idea why?"

Carol looked off in the distance. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh. She nodded her head. "You know why Dallas can lift me, he was shot by the police after robbery. Of course you know why did the robbery not the Dallas ever really needed a reason to do anything but he was very upset that night. He wanted to die and he wanted to die on his own terms. It's coming up on the year anniversary, his friend died that night. All he knows what the police have told me. Dallas is like to talk about it I don't wanna press them. But from what the newspapers say from the police said his friend died a church fire, rescuing some children. Dallas helped out and he went after his friend when the building collapsed on them. The friend and make it I think they were pretty close. Can you imagine, you know he was the one he found his mother, after losing Annie I'm surprised he was able to get close to anyone again, after losing like that. But then to lose a friend too and then to be able to do nothing to save him, like with his mom. It must have been pretty traumatic. You know Dallas likes to hold everything and until he bursts. He's a doing a lot better lately and I think that's was bothering him. He's fighting between himself, between trying to hold it all and try and let it all out. You see how destructive his temper can be when he's upset."

James sighed, there so much to do not know about a son. There so many layers to him so many complexities that he had not even begun to crack the code. The more layers she unraveled, the more there was to be found. He was Annie's son after all. But still, he cannot blame a son for being so upset. It must've been horrible absolutely horrible. James visited hospitals before, with impatience to administer prayers and support for the families. It was a horrible sight and no imagine the feeling of being on fire, feeling of being the one here the screams of the person on fire. He was apprised the Dallas not have nightmares constantly between his mother's death and this Johnny's. He wondered if there was anything he could do, to make Dallas happy again.

"What about his friends, how about seeing if any of that can come down for Thanksgiving next month." James and Carol looked up, George was standing in the corner. His arms are folded and his black hat was tipped across his face. Carol blushed. James rest his chin and tapped the table once more. "You think that would help? What if it remind him of everything that had happened. Still, it was worth a shot, after all what else could they do?

**Sorry for such a short chapter, although I kind of nowhere this story is going I'm hitting a brick wall. I do like the idea of some of the greaser gang visiting Dallas, we have not seen them for so long. I'm also getting used to new writing softer, I'm starting to use Dragon dictation as a guide for Christmas and it's so far little difficult but it is making my productivity increase. I wrote this all in about an hour. In every word of it was spoken into Dragon it is awesome.**


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